This is the first chapter of the third section, Redeeming the Future, of my memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry.
I have given a lot of thought over the years about reminders, and so much is a reminder of a life once lived in another time and place.
I have ordained myself as judge, jury, and executioner of my fate, rarely asking where is God in all of this?
“Every once in while I almost get through a day without thinking about who I am and what I’d done.” ~Charley Waite (Kevin Costner), Open Range
The above quote haunts me and I share it later in Chapter 22 of my book, and we’ll get there soon, but it seems to fit in this chapter also. We do things in this life, and things happen whether intended or not, and there are consequences. Some of these things stay with us as we seek redemption. We hide from the truth and we lie to ourselves and others. Our thoughts spiral and we chastise ourselves for those thoughts we deem wicked, and sometimes simply unkind.
I know for many years I lived, and often still do, in fear of becoming the man I dread that I might be, based on the enemies lies whispered in my ears. These stories, we have each created and written, in which we find ourselves living in each and every day.
Is the story I (we) tell true?
That is what we must each come to terms with. And when we do, we must either renounce the vows and the lies or forgive ourselves, and others, for the wrongs committed.
“We can rise from the ashes and the darkness deep, for there is forgiveness, even for those who find they are still believing the lies, regardless of the thoughts in my head that tell me I am a bad man, a complete screwup at times, or just a beautiful mess wrecked right on schedule, as he should be by what life has thrown at him.”
~Chapter 15, Page 139, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry
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> If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved on and searching for your best Life After, reach out.
Leave a comment or email me at in**@ma**********.com. I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!
I am Mark W. Schutter, “Life After” Coach, Grief Mentor and Author of the memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, and we all need a little support sometimes.
Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.
Part 1 – Reconciling the Past
- Revisiting Chapter 1 – Out of the Sun
- Revisiting Chapter 2 – A Far Better Place
- Revisiting Chapter 3 – Walking Away
- Revisiting Chapter 4 – Still Miles to Walk
- Revisiting Chapter 5 – Death is Only the Beginning
- Revisiting Chapter 6 – To Love What’s Leaving
- Revisiting Chapter 7 – I Am the One Dying
- Revisiting Chapter 8 – The Lingering Ambiguity
Part 2 – Embracing the Present
- Revisiting Chapter 9 – Wearing Masks – “Who Are We Really?”
- Revisiting Chapter 10 – A Different Trajectory
- Revisiting Chapter 11 – Not Wanting to Be Alive
- Revisiting Chapter 12 – Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Other Triggers
- Revisiting Chapter 13 – We Choose the Scars We Will Carry
- Revisiting Chapter 14 – As the World Moves On
Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your “Life After” awaits!
