God, Writing, Life, Grief, memoir

Revisiting Chapter 19 – Wrecked on Schedule

Death matters, and you never ever get over it.

The sentence that starts this chapter dealing with the reality of death that we all must face. Our own and especially the death of those we love. We don’t know when it may occur but the clock keeps ticking off the seconds until that inevitable moment.

There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say birth does not matter.

C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Impending death and the aftermath of death changes us. It is an ending to a chapter.

Not the end of our story.

For our story continues albeit with a dramatic ‘plot twist!’ that changes everything and an open road now lies before us

There are many rituals, both cultural and personal, that we carry into the future with us. In many cases, in my opinion, we sterilize death especially in America. I talk at some length about this in this chapter and my disdain for it.

We often fail to grieve… in any true sense of the word. Instead, we often believe the best thing you can do with death is to ride off from it.

Hell, I still struggle with it to this day almost 30 years after her death. So, another question – where and what does that say about me?

And then there is the subject of the after life. Of angels, demons and supposed communications with the dead. I have had only dreams, very few, of Luka and never a visitation from a ghost or spirit. Hers or any other.

I have spoke at length about this topic in two live video interviews I did which are still available –

Death, a simple word really, only one syllable but containing worlds filled with promises, rewards, fear, mystery, beginnings, and endings. It is a reality and one that we all must face.

Death, a simple word really, only one syllable but containing worlds filled with promises, rewards, fear, mystery, beginnings, and endings. It is a reality and one that we all must face.

-Chapter 19, page 169, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 

> If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved on and searching for your best “Life After”, reach out.

Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com. I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, “Life After” Coach and Author of the memoir, 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

Part 3 – Redeeming the Future

Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your “Life After” awaits! 

God, Grief, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 18 – Death Feeds Life, Children

She never got the opportunity to have her own children. Life or fate, whatever you call it, prevented that from ever happening. Her battles with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and the ensuing treatments as a younger child most likely rendered her sterile.

In that moment, my mind followed my heart, and my decision was made. I wanted her to be my wife someday, knowing that children for us would probably never come.

Chapter 18, page 157, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry

As long as I knew here though she poured her heart and soul into other peoples children. Working at a daycare and a children’s museum she showed those children love and acceptance and pointed them to a faith in Yeshua.

God often redeems and restores what was lost. I remarried and ten years later my wonderful wife and I had our first and only child, a daughter who is becoming a very strong young lady. The guilt ran through me then, it does not now.

I believe now this is how it was supposed to be. I am her and her mother’s provider, protector and knight.

At the age of forty, I became a father to a beautiful little girl. She grew, and the circle keeps coming full circle and maybe, just maybe, God has an impeccable send of comedic timing.

Chapter 18, page 160, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry

She has her momma’s heart, is gracious and kind and loves horses like her daddy. She is a cowgirl through and through. God has blessed me beyond measure and more than I deserve. But then again, what we actually deserve often has nothing to do with it.

I am Mark W. Schutter, “Life After” Coach and Author of the memoir, 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved one and searching for your best “Life After,” please leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com.

I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help.

P.S. – Those are my daughters favorite boots!

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

Part 3 – Redeeming the Future

Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your “Life After” awaits! 

God, Life, memoir

Revisiting Chapter 15 – The Judgment of a Bad Man

This is the first chapter of the third section, Redeeming the Future, of my memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲.

I have given a lot of thought over the years about reminders, and so much is a reminder of a life once lived in another time and place.

I have ordained myself as judge, jury, and executioner of my fate, rarely asking where is God in all of this?

“Every once in while I almost get through a day without thinking about who I am and what I’d done.” ~Charley Waite (Kevin Costner), Open Range #Quote #Westerns #Cowboys

The above quote haunts me and I share it later in Chapter 22 of my book, and we’ll get there soon, but it seems to fit in this chapter also. We do things in this life, and things happen whether intended or not, and there are consequences. Some of these things stay with us as we seek redemption. We hide from the truth and we lie to ourselves and others. Our thoughts spiral and we chastise ourselves for those thoughts we deem wicked, and sometimes simply unkind.

I know for many years I lived, and often still do, in fear of becoming the man I dread that I might be, based on the enemies lies whispered in my ears. These stories, we have each created and written, in which we find ourselves living in each and every day.

Is the story I (we) tell true?

That is what we must each come to terms with. And when we do, we must either renounce the vows and the lies or forgive ourselves, and others, for the wrongs committed.

“We can rise from the ashes and the darkness deep, for there is forgiveness, even for those who find they are still believing the lies, regardless of the thoughts in my head that tell me I am a bad man, a complete screwup at times, or just a beautiful mess wrecked right on schedule, as he should be by what life has thrown at him.”

~Chapter 15, Page 139

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 

> If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved on and searching for your best “Life After”, reach out.

Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com. I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, “Life After” Coach and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your “Life After” awaits! 👊

God, Grief, memoir

Grief Reclaimed / Grief and the Paranormal – 2 Live Interviews

I was honored to be the guest last week on two shows and the interview replays are available on Rumble and YouTube.

Watch the replay of the live unscripted conversation about grief, death, and faith with host Collene James of 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 on the Through the Black channel on Rumble. 👊

➡️ https://rumble.com/v1718pn-grief-reclaimed.html

Collene and I touched on the following topics :

  • My book and story of grief
  • How grief touches on grief
  • Grief in scripture
  • The spirit of grief vs Godly grief
  • The directive as believers to grieve
  • And so much more!

Watch the replay of the live unscripted conversation about how the paranormal uses grief to decieve people with Shawn Carter on 𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 on YouTube. 👊

➡️ https://youtu.be/vlZ2zRK3g_4

Shawn and I talked about the following:

  • Wanting to hear their voice just one more time.
  • Biblical directive to not consult nor talk with the dead.
  • Does that imply that we could but are instructed not to?
  • How mediums prey on the vulnerability of those grieving.
  • Who is talking to/throught the medium?
  • Is it really a loved one who appears to us?
  • Appearance of animals that some believe are signs.
  • How faith sustains us and supports us.
  • God’s salvation for believers.

Two great conversations last week, listen to the replays now!

𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐝-https://rumble.com/v1718pn-grief-reclaimed.html
𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 – https://youtu.be/vlZ2zRK3g_4

#Grief #Loss #Occult #Faith #Paranormal

Take a listen and let me know what you think! God bless!

God, Grief, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 11 – Not Wanting to Be Alive

Things happen… and thank God some don’t.

This chapter was easy for me write because I remember each detail from almost 30 years ago vividly, even now, months after my memoir has been published.

Yet, this was the hardest chapter for me to include in the book. Because I tell the story of the closest I came to committing suicide after Luka’s death.

The gun was in my hand, my finger on the trigger, the end of the round barrel pressing a circle into the skin of my right temple.

Not wanting to be alive is not the same as thing as wanting to be dead. ~Megan Devine, 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑌𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑁𝑜𝑡 𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦

I had survived the crash that totaled our Ford Bronco and killed our dog, only spending one night in the hospital. But the unrelenting heartache I felt far exceeded the physical pain from the 37 stitches in my head and the skin grafts on the back of my left hand. I didn’t want to go on.

There seemed no way out, nor through for me at that time. I only wanted it all to end. I hadn’t thought seriously about committing suicide until the moment I found myself with the pistol in my hand.

Sure the thought had crossed my mind but only in fleeting moments and I prayed most nights before falling asleep that God would take me before I awoke.

Some force beyond me stayed my hand and my mind in the moments as my finger tightened on the trigger. I call it God. My life and his purpose for me was not complete yet.

I knew the loss would never go away, and no matter what I did to fill the empty spaces, her absence would always be permanent.

CHAPTER 11, NOT WANTING TO BE ALIVE – PAGE 104, MARK W. SCHUTTER

Now, so many years later I think about how that one act would have changed everything that was and nothing would be as it is. I carry the burden… and so we move forward with hope, with strength, and belief.

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry  >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 👊

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,

I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free 15 minute call to see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

God, Grief, Life, memoir

Are You Holding a Grudge Against God?

POV: Grief is hard and can often incline us to hold a grudge against God when someone dies regardless of the circumstances.

The image is from the movie Open Range with Kevin Costner and Robert Duvall. You can see the entire clip on my Instagram page – @mwschutter.

I know because for many years I held a grudge against God after my late wife died of cancer at 27 years old. 💔

No reason other than a disease that wrecked her before taking her life and God did nothing to stop it.

I struggled with anger and bitterness for many years, stuffing it down. You don’t have to and unhealed pain and trauma will always come back.

➡️ There is a better way and now I help those who are struggling with grief through coaching and support. Helping you find your best life after trauma. Yes, you.

I am the author of the memoir 𝘾𝙤𝙬𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝘾𝙧𝙮. The story of my own journey through the valley of the shadow of death.

Are tired of trying to ride off from death, loss, and grief? If so send me a message – via my contact page and I will send you information on how to schedule a free 15 minute intro call to see if we are a good fit and I can help.

There are many burdens you were not meant to carry. I am happy to come alongside you. 👊 See ~Job 2:13 📜

God, Grief, memoir

Upcoming Live Events This Week!

I have the distinct pleasure and honor to be the guest on two different live video chats this week, Wednesday and Thursday evening talking about grief, my book, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, faith, the occult, and other things. 😉

The Reclamation Project with Collene James on Through the Black (TtB)

Unveiling the Paranormal with Shawn Carter on YouTube

If you can’t join live, be sure to catch the replay’s and let me know what you think.

PS – You can read more of my story of grief, loss, healing and life after in my memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, available on many online platforms. I use my experience to coach others struggling with grief and moving forward from loss, let me know and we’ll schedule a 15 minute intro call to see if I can help. God bless, ~M

God, Life

Do You Feel It?

𝐃𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐭? 🤔

His spirit, the power of justice and courage will fill you if you seek him.

He is a rewarder of those who seek him and everyone who calls upon his name will be saved.

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖? ❤🤔

If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com, I’ll follow up with them with some additional information and how to book a 15 minute call to see if I can help.

> Thanks! I am Mark Schutter, Grief Coach for men and author of the memoir ‘Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry’
God, Life, Writing

What Would You Say?

“A YOUNG AND OLD VERSION”

If you had a chance to go back in time and talk to your younger self what would you say?

What sage advice have you gained over the years that you could share?

Would you attempt to smooth the way and make life easier for yourself?

Would you give encouragement despite the hard times that are to come?

What would you tell your younger self is most important in life?

If you could go back in time and talk with your younger self would you? And what would you say? #WickedQuestions

Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment. ~Ecclesiastes 11:9

Again, I ask you what would you say?