This chapter was not only one of, but may have been the hardest chapter to write, and even more so to include in my memoir.
I have feelings of anxiety, knowing others have read the words I wrote, and proud of myself at the same time. The honesty and transparency regarding the emotional and physical intimacy that can occur within a marriage, is evident. The words reveal so much of my own insecurities and failures, and I assume many of hers as well.
I pray the words, speak to others that the battles we face are sometimes behind closed doors where no one sees. At a point where I was struggling when writing my story, my daughter gave me a handwritten note that simply said,
“Somebody out there needs your story.”
So, I kept writing spurred on by her encouragement and love. Until finally, after many months I held the finished book in my hands.
I pray it helps others feel not so alone.
Back to the chapter at hand. I won’t go into detail here about the content of the chapter suffice to say it is about physical and emotional beauty, attraction and desire between a man and a woman. God given desires of our hearts I believe.
We live in a paradox of what society says is the “ideal” when behind closed doors it often falls short of that imagined perfection. The reality is often so different, at least it was in my case, and maybe hers’ as well, who’s to say? And so we move forward battling together and alone at the same time.
Sometimes all you can do is live with it.Page 153, Chapter 17, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry
The scars… both physical and emotional that we all carry from the wounds we have been dealt in this life. I did not understand it then and I certainly don’t pretend to understand it now, these thirty years later. I realize there are more questions here than answers, just like in the chapter of my memoir. So I will leave you with the following quote.
The best is perhaps what is understood least.
~C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
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> If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved on and searching for your best Life After, reach out.
Leave a comment or email me at in**@ma**********.com. I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!
I am Mark W. Schutter, Life After Coach and Author of the memoir, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, and we all need a little support sometimes.
Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.
Part 1 – Reconciling the Past
- Revisiting Chapter 1 – Out of the Sun
- Revisiting Chapter 2 – A Far Better Place
- Revisiting Chapter 3 – Walking Away
- Revisiting Chapter 4 – Still Miles to Walk
- Revisiting Chapter 5 – Death is Only the Beginning
- Revisiting Chapter 6 – To Love What’s Leaving
- Revisiting Chapter 7 – I Am the One Dying
- Revisiting Chapter 8 – The Lingering Ambiguity
Part 2 – Embracing the Present
- Revisiting Chapter 9 – Wearing Masks – “Who Are We Really?”
- Revisiting Chapter 10 – A Different Trajectory
- Revisiting Chapter 11 – Not Wanting to Be Alive
- Revisiting Chapter 12 – Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Other Triggers
- Revisiting Chapter 13 – We Choose the Scars We Will Carry
- Revisiting Chapter 14 – As the World Moves On
Part 3 – Redeeming the Future
- Revisiting Chapter 15 – The Judgment of a Bad Man
- Revisiting Chapter 16 – Holding Space to Dream Big
Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your Life After awaits!