We are all dying day by day, but following the diagnosis, I instinctively knew death would find her, statistically, probably before me, and it happened much sooner than I had ever imagined.
CHAPTER 6, TO LOVE WHAT’S LEAVING, PAGE 61 – MARK W. SCHUTTER
Rereading this chapter now I struggle to come up with any coherent meaning to it. We were both denying the reality of her illness I guess, or at the very least the seriousness. However, we were also continuing to live in the face of it. An odd juxtaposition to me even now. It is hard loving someone who is dying, but as Stephen Jenkinson says in his book Die Wise, loving someone is not inevitable, loving someone who will die is.
We go through our days sometimes blissfully unaware that we are all dying a little our days on this earth numbered. And that is okay, even when the reality that time is limited smacks you in the face. You go on and in the daily rhythms of a ‘normal’ life you find some peace and satisfaction regardless of what others might tell you. You must find your own path, ask Jesus to reveal it to you and ask him to walk with you. He will and that is what matters.
I did not understand the grief. My heart was broken and yet, I never wanted it to mend. – Chapter 6, To Love What’s Leaving, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry #Memoir #WritersLife #Grief
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Read my thoughts on the first five chapters of my memoir, links below, and watch for the next one in the series – Chapter 7, I Am the One Dying
- Revisiting Chapter 1 – Out of the Sun
- Revisiting Chapter 2 – A Far Better Place
- Revisiting Chapter 3 – Walking Away
- Revisiting Chapter 4 – Still Miles to Walk
- Revisiting Chapter 5 – Death is Only the Beginning
You can order your print copies and the e-book today, and one or two or three… as a gift for some else who is struggling. PAY IT FORWARD!
- You can also contact me here on my website using the contact form to purchase signed copies. God bless! 👊
I so love what you have said here, especially at the very end… “My heart was broken and yet, I never wanted it to mend.” I have felt like this so many times… I didn’t care at all about getting better, healing. I had the right to my grief, pain, suffering. I earned it. But you are right… asking Jesus to come along side us, to be with us in it is exactly what I really needed. Without Him [and you and your love] I would still be sitting in my pain, without hesitation or regret. I think that is the sad part of the pain, if we don’t have healthy healing, it becomes a badge of honor and our identity. It pushes us right into the corner the enemy wants us in. Thanks for sharing this Mark, it spoke deeply to me. <3
Thank you Carri â¤ï¸ I so appreciate your comments.