I didn’t understand it then, but I understand it now…

that pain and hurt is part of life and there are things you never return from at least not completely. Often you end up going in a different direction than you had planned. Like a river overflowing its banks during a flood creating new paths. Our lives are like this and often we know not where we are going, but sometimes it is enough to be going somewhere.

You carry the pain, the hurt, the confusion with you. Hidden deep inside it appears to all who see that you are whole, complete. But there is an uncertainty because you know you are not the same. The wound will heal but the scars remain like tracks across your heart. Sometimes they are numb, sometimes raw and bleeding.

You move forward, hesitantly at first but the image becomes easier and it becomes who you are. Streaks of light may illuminate the dark, casting shadows of memories. Of what might have been. There is a pull towards the light, a hope that still burns. However faint, the embers smolder promising a new tomorrow.

The light can grow and shine brightly. Chasing away the dark, chasing away the fears. Living in the memories is a false comfort with no hope for the future. To grab and hold the light blazing a new destiny is what we desire. To move, to love, to live we must make a choice. A brilliant, courageous and willing choice. I didn’t understand then, but I understand it now… I must make that choice.

~Mark Schutter ©2014

The above was written for Free Write Friday using what is called stream of consciousness writing, no editing, no proofing just writing! Please check out Kellie Elmore’s official site or click on the Free Write Friday Image for more information. 

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  1. You touched a lot of lives today. I hope you know that. Those of us who have lived through loss, fear, pain, abuse and its aftermath and even the legacy of them all know the feelings you describe. Recovery and healing can be a long road but a journey that is necessary and well worth the rewards of finding love and lightness in our lives. The feeling of being set free of the yoke and weight of it all allows us to become a better and more joyful people. 🙂

    1. Thank you Kim. Your kind words touched my heart. We all have pain and sometimes sharing a little bit with others can be healing. We are all on a journey of some sort and hopefully we can help each other. Thanks again!

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