“Momma, don’t be mad at him, he doesn’t know any better.”
The words rang in my head like a banging cymbal. Thoughts of anger, sadness and complete confusion swirled in my mind. After what she had experienced, how could she say something like that? My wife silently stood watching and waiting as I struggled with these thoughts.
Well, I thought to myself she is better than I am that is for sure. She has more compassion in her little finger than I have in my whole body. As we talked more about the situation ultimately deciding to wait a few more days before making a final decision. After all she was only in kindergarten and despite the repeated occurrence of the little boy putting his hands on her neck and squeezing until in her words, she thought her eyes might pop out of her head, she seemed okay.
She was small and petite, one of the smallest in her class and an easy target for the bigger boys of the same age. To be taken out of school was not what she wanted as she had many friends and enjoyed her teachers. The school teachers aware of the incidents, were to keep a close eye on the little boy to make sure these types of things did not happen again. It was only two months before the summer break and it seemed she would be okay. However, a few weeks later she relayed another story that happened in gym class with the same boy.
“He came up behind me and picked me up and dropped me on my head.” She calmly stated to her mother, while holding her head at an angle because of the pain in her neck. Numerous trips to the chiropractor and the pain in her neck lessened with no long-term damage. However, the headaches continued and no amount of chiropractic adjustments helped because the stress remained.
We continued to struggle with the decision to pull her out of school or not with only a couple of weeks to go before summer. My wife was exploring homeschooling and seemed determined to convince me that next year this was the best option for our little girl. I remained unconvinced. Although, I would do anything to protect my little girl, I also wondered if this was something she needed to learn to deal with and not let the bullies win. I did not want my only daughter to believe that she was a victim and live her life not standing up for herself.
I picked her up from school one Friday afternoon, we buckled ourselves in and I started the car turning to look before backing out of the parking spot. Glancing in the rear view mirror at my beautiful blonde little girl I asked, “So, how was your day today honey?”
She smiled and looked back at me in the mirror and stated with a touch of joy in her voice, “Today was a good day Daddy, I didn’t get hurt.”
Before the words had died in the air my heart broke and I did not know how to respond. I could only muster a “That’s good, sweetie.” Nothing about school, her friends or the fun that she had; no, the best part of my 5 year old’s day was that she did not get hurt. Are you f@$^&** kidding me I screamed in my mind!
Fighting back the tears I began slowly backing up the car and silently drove home. It was that night that my wife and I decided to get her through the last few weeks of this school year and to truly explore homeschooling for the next year when she entered first grade. After much research and many conversations with our little girl, as this would impact her also, we all decided to give homeschooling a try; never looking back.
Our daughter is now finishing fourth grade in some subjects and already into fifth and sixth grade level in others. She is thriving with a curriculum selected just for her; it is challenging and it allows her to move at her own pace. She is happy and involved in many other activities from horse riding, church youth groups, dance, soccer and baseball; not sheltered or un-socialized as some would have you believe all home schooled children are.
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The above story, based on true events, recalled as best they can and written in response to the #1000Speak theme Building from Bullying. Her experience has affected her. We still talk about it on occasion and how her perceptions are sometimes filtered through the pain she experienced. She has met others that are bullies, in organized events, even at church sponsored functions. This is unfortunately an all too often reality of the fallen world we live in. Maybe I am jaded but I believe we will always encounter bullies this side of the undiscovered. Yet, we can not let ourselves become permanent victims and we can show compassion in the midst of the bullying.
This little girl has a heart that is more sensitive than anyone I have ever known. It will bring her pain and yet, it will also bring her great joys. You cannot have one without the other. She is my teacher and I am blessed beyond words because of her. Below is a poem she wrote in response to the 1000 Voices for Compassion movement.
Be kind to others in need.
Be kind and loving to others.
Even if they’re not kind and loving to you.
Have compassion for your sisters and brothers,
for God is waiting for you to be loving, just as He is.
For there will be people coming.
You will need to help these people.
Even if they’re not kind and loving to you.
For I tell you nothing is to small,
for it is simple enough to just have COMPASSION.
~Muppin ©2015, Age 10
What a precious daughter you have there. Her poem is wonderful, and her compassion is enviable. Even though you thought your reactions were not the most constructive, you can rest assured you are doing a fabulous job! You just have to read that poem to see it! 🙂
Thank you so much!
That broke my heart, Mark. No child should ever, ever have to believe that a good day is one in which they don’t get hurt. SO VERY MUCH the right decision to homeschool, and I am amazed and awed and speechless at your little girl’s compassion and enormity of spirit.
Oh thank you Lizzy! You brought tears to my eyes with your comment, she is amazing. And maybe I am a little biased :).
I think you have a right to be.
Thanks for sharing!! Hope your daughter is doing fine now!! I know of someone who’s been through the same thing!! It is sad sometime, and specially when it happens to child (who are totally innocent and totally oblivious to this)
Thanks so much! She is becoming quite a young lady and doing very well.
What a difficult decision to have to make, and how hard it is to see our kids suffer this way. One of my daughters was bullied – first physically in a one-off incident and then later by girls who were supposedly her friends. That was difficult to deal with and I did think about taking her out of school like you did, but we were fortunate that when I went to the teacher about it, she dealt with it so sensitively ensuring the girls involved were not shamed, but also knew the behaviour had to stop right there or they would be sanctioned. It worked.
So glad to see your daughter is doing fine now.
Thank you Yvonne. We definitely will do whatever it takes to protect our kids. Sorry to hear of you and your daughter’s experience. Unfortunately it seems to happen all too often.
People who get bullied often eventually come out to be stronger than ever.. I am saying this based on my personal experience. Your girl will make a wonderful, loving adult.. She already is so humane.. Blessings to her..
So awful!!! How ridiculous that such things happened to her and the school authorities didn’t take tough measures!! I’m so glad that she retained her innocence and joy for life throughout!