The Pain I Feel Now …

Two decades have passed; seems like yesterday, seems like an eternity.

 As my mind wanders back down the roads that have brought me here to this point in my life I sometimes still wonder if it all is just a dream or something else. Something the human mind can never fathom this side of heaven’s veil.

 “The desperate imaginings of a man dazed by what life has thrown at him.” ~CS Lewis

Questions have clamored for answers for so long but I have somewhat learned (or accepted) to live with the questions.  It is the absolute cold silence in response to the questions that haunt my mind even more so, like shadows that can never be grasped.  There are no answers this side of the undiscovered.

“The best is perhaps what is understood least.” ~CS Lewis

My memories are secure, albeit I am the first to admit not entirely accurate or true, as time has a way of reshaping history and the memories of days gone by.  Most are beautiful and serene with the remembrance of a life and the love it brought and shown in this world.  It is beyond my understanding, beyond mortal comprehension.  So I hold the memories close resting in this simple consolation.

 “Some moments can only be described in smiles; otherwise they won’t go into language at all.” ~CS Lewis

I must admit I do not understand it nor do I wish to pretend too.  I know very little, but I do know this; my nonsensical questions often have, nor need no answers.  What I do know is that life is here and now and is only lived forward.

 “And the past is the past and that is what time means and time itself  is on more name for death.” ~CS Lewis

Death a simple word really, only one syllable but containing worlds of promises, rewards, fear, mystery, beginnings and endings. It is a reality and one that we all must face.

“There is death.  And whatever it is matters.  And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible.”  ~CS Lewis

If you have read this far I applaud you for making your way through my ramblings to the end.  I leave you with this one thought dear friends, that there is hope, for death is not the end.

(All quotations are taken from the book A Grief Observed by CS Lewis)