A while back I posted a blog titled Searching… it’s all shit!

Well, the thought occurred to me as I have watched the autumn weather change from the overcast of gray clouds, to blowing winds and sideways rain, to the rainfall suddenly stopping and the clouds breaking to reveal splotches of blue beyond the gray curtain. Then snow, really snow, which quickly changed back to drizzling rain.

Before the sunshine slowly peaks out playing hide and seek, then disappears and the sky again began dumping buckets of raindrops the size of marbles and then back again to clear skies of forever blue and bright sunshine. Over and over, it does repeat, round and round it goes as the world moves on and it’s still all shit!

We cannot be everything that everybody wants us to be!

Hell, sometimes we cannot even be what we want to be!

These fears haunt me invading my dreams while I sleep and taunt me from the moment I wake, never leaving me alone. These voices in my head that scream condemnation walk beside me each day.

There are doors swinging open and opportunities that beckon and yet… I am so confused. The ideas and possibilities swirl around me in a chaos of hurricane winds and in flashes of lightning that carve the midnight sky, leaving me tired.

Does anyone care?

I silently scream. While I sit here quietly and watch the seconds tick slowly by, distracted by nothing and everything all at the same time.

My thoughts are a mess; my heart skips beats to a rhythm only it can hear as I wonder at the absurdity of it all. There is no choice but to embrace the only absurd choice that is available.

• Do I dare? Would you?
• Do I have the courage? Do you?

To believe in hope, when our faith as small as a wisp of smoke. A single light far off in the dark that is all. A small thing that keeps me going before my hearts stops beating, while I keep hearing the banging sounds of drums repeating.

The world has gone mad, each person, each mother’s son, everyone!

There is hate and evil, remorse and regret, an eternal tag team we meet to do battle in the ring of our hearts. This ugliness and fear seek to devour our souls, as cruelties unfold.

• Mercy
• Grace
• Faith
• Hope
• Love

Are all that can stand against!

Our lives’ are brief, as memories linger, and the finality of death overshadows the past. Nothing makes sense. Our memories of yesterday are quickly gone, replaced by the tragedies seared into our brains through social media and the six o’clock news.

We need a lifeline, a belief in a hope that does not disappoint. Future memories of what could be, we see a light in the dark, a beacon of hope, and a reason to go on.

For if we do not, the world will move on and we will find ourselves repeating the refrain, “It’s all still shit!”

#JustBelieve #Hope Lives #LoveChangesPeople

“Still Searching” The Palouse of Southwestern Washington Mark Schutter ©2017