“She died. She is dead.” Thoughts and coming to terms with the words.

Widowed and/or bereaved? And does it even really matter when the words don’t change the outcome?

Widowed – verb: past participle: widowed

  1. become a widow or widower; lose one’s spouse through death.
    • Widownounwidow; plural noun: widows
      a woman who has lost her spouse by death and has not remarried.
    1. Widower – nounwidower; plural noun: widowers
      a man who has lost his spouse by death and has not remarried.

Bereaved – verb: past participle: bereaved

  1. be deprived of a loved one through a profound absence, especially due to the loved one’s death.

“She died. She is dead. Is the word so difficult to learn?” ~C.S. Lewis {A Grief Observed}

We use the terms ‘lost’, ‘deprived’ and ‘absence’ when the truth is they died. Their physical mortal body ceased to work and they died. You are widowed until you remarry, then no longer a widow or widower? And are you still bereaved every single moment, day, month, and year after losing a loved one?

The pain and the grief, never goes away even when you commit actions that take you in another direction, such as remarrying. Grief is not something you get over, it is something you carry with you for the rest of your life. It irrevocably changes you, how could it not?

Does the soul live on after death? I believe it does and that’s a topic for another blog post.

“Well, we have nothing if not belief.” ~Reepicheep {The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis}

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Pain – It is Not a Competition!

It is not

a competition,

there is enough

pain to go

around

#JustBelieve #HopeLives #LoveChangesPeople

Everyone’s pain, sorrow and hurt is unique; not quite the same. We all must walk through our own valley of the shadow and all we can do is walk with someone, supporting and encouraging along the way. Why is it then that we compare and compete with each other about whose pain is greatest?

Is there some special prize that I am not aware of? Is it our human nature to be on top, to feel superior to others whether in reality or just to have bragging rights? Who’s to say, other than we all carry pain and sorrow in this life and no one is left wanting in this.

#BeKind #RestInLove

Promises to Keep – A Memoir

My 25 word memoir of grief.

As I work on my full length memoir I have read several books, both how-to and memoir’s as research. In the book “Braving the Fire” by Jessica Handler, she mentions the shortest story of grief attributed to Ernest Hemingway, who is said to have written the following six word memoir

“For Sale. Baby Shoes. Never Worn.”

Six words, that’s t leaves the reader wondering with unanswered questions.  I haven’t gotten mine down to six words yet, but I will keep working on it. 

In the meantime I continue working on the ‘shitty‘ first draft of my full-length memoir. I will be posting excerpts here on the blog soon, watch for more information to come and be sure to subscribe via your email to make sure you don’t miss any updates.

And remember grief is a shared human experience that we all must face. Grief is a natural extension of love and the lie is that we are either destined to live in utter despair forever or we somehow are completely healed. This is nonsense for grief irrevocably changes you, how could it not? You carry the experience with you for the rest of our life. 

#JustBelieve #HopeLives #LoveChangesPeople