Are You Happy?

Happy

So,…  what say you? 

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“To live is Christ, to die is gain” Say what, how is that?

“To live is Christ, to die is gain”, what?  How is that?

Death takes me further away from God, not closer. Death throws a silence over my faith. God is good. Let’s explore a little what it means to say that when:

  • You have faced death, tragedy and destruction of your world.
  • You come face to face with your own mortality.
  • You are intimate with the death of someone you love.
  • You watch helplessly as the breath fades.
  • You are alone with grief your only companion.

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Can you say ‘God is good’ and believe it when faced with an ending?

With no one to blame, is evil the easy answer? Or is it the answer for the cause of so much pain in the world?

  • The violence,
  • The hate,
  • The addictions,
  • The lust, and
  • The greed.

Good people are hurt and evil continues unabated, while we make excuses.

  • Collateral damage?
  • Innocent victims?
  • Life is hard and you die?

Illness, sickness and death with no concrete cause leaves you with the consequence. What is the grand design and meaning if there are no coincidences?

My life was irrevocably altered and I say I still believe. Am I angry and blaming of God? Showing an image to the world on the outside, but inside… do I believe? This face I show the world is that the truth of me? The question remains, do I believe what I say I believe?

Alone in the dark, with God’s total utter silence. No words from beyond except for a faint whisper of “Trust me.” If faith is evidence of things unseen, I have the evidence.

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What remains unanswered is why? The question that still haunts my waking and sleeping, but no answer ever seems forthcoming. “Trust me.” Do I have faith in the finality of that? What is next? A next life? Is it there? Heaven? Hell? Fade to black?

Time to give myself permission. Feel the fear, accept that loss and devastation may return. “Trust me.” It all makes me tired, very tired. Life is more than waiting for the ‘hammer to fall.’ The days and the years go by and the hole in your heart remains. “Trust me.” You laugh and love again. The joyful moments you desperately longed for return, but we fail because of the fear to live, present in the moments. Juxtaposing the past, present and the future. “Trust me.” Whispers through my mind while I feel a –

  • Fear of God
  • Fear of loss
  • Fear of happiness
  • Fear of succeeding
  • Fear of failing
  • Fear of guilt
  • Fear of forgetting
  • Fear of hurting
  • Fear of love

Trust me.” Time to give permission to live, be happy and love again. Permission to enjoy, delight, cherish, feel everything and accept.

“Trust me.” And you wonder if you can love God, accept your destiny, your life, your fate, for “I have come so that they (you) may have life and have it more abundantly,” so a reminder to

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(Originally written in October 2008, updated October 2010, October 2013 and again now, January 2017. Each time the mystery of unanswered questions continue as I contemplate my life’s journey the last twenty plus years. I am still learning to believe that hope lives. ~M)

3 Things To Do If You Are Feeling Invisible

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As we begin to fade, seeming to become invisible to those around us, our emotions mounting in a cascade crashing over us like waves onto the shore pushed by stormy winds. No one seems to care; no one seems to notice. Our contributions seems unwanted and unappreciated. Our feelings will deceive us so I offer this, STOP!

  1. Seek God first
  2. Seek silence
  3. Seek truth

This is exactly what I will be doing. I do not necessarily feel invisible to those around me, but to myself. I am feeling, (yes feelings are deceptive) and yet I have an overwhelming sense that I am losing myself, becoming invisible to myself. I am unsure who I am, what I want and even what I need anymore. I have been acquiescing to what I think others want me to be. Truth is I can’t be what everyone else wants or expects me to be.

Thus, I have decided to take a break, from blogging and social media for awhile and the voices in my head. For how long? I cannot say at this point. Only a day, a week a month, I just don’t know.

All I know is that I need to find myself. I must protect my heart which is frayed and worn. So, I will dive into the undiscovered to:

  • Seek God
  • Seek silence
  • Seek truth

Thank you for understanding and may God richly bless you. ~M ♥

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Mima Mounds Natural Area – Olympia, WA

Mima Mounds - May 2016

Sunset from the tree line at the Mima Mounds Natural Area Preserve outside of Olympia, WA in the Pacific Northwest south of Seattle.

Acres and acres of mounds cover this vast prairie, all mounds surprisingly similar in shape and size.

  • What are they?
  • Why are they here?

No one really knows.

The theory’s on their origins range from prehistoric gophers, Native American burial sites, erosion, volcanic eruptions, glacial freeze and thaw cycles, even tsunamis and earthquakes. But, got now there is nothing even close to consensus on the origin of these mounds.

Although, not as majestic as Mt. Rainier, nor as intimidating as Mt. St. Helen’s or as breathtaking as the Olympic Mountains, there is an air of mystery. As you walk through the mounds, the soft breezes blowing the prairie grasses at your feet, there is a feeling of something larger at play here. It is spiritually awe-inspiring and foreboding at the same time.

Maybe sometimes, there are things that we are not supposed to know and the trick is to learn to live and be okay with the mystery. Once the mystery is solved the mystique is gone.

Searching in Wormholes Dark

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There are moments and events in each of our lives that leave us wondering and often searching. For answers to questions that rattle in our minds. And, yet even if we found those answers we so desperately seek, would they provide the comfort we seek?

I wonder…

I believe that some questions very well may remain unanswered this side of the undiscovered. To quote CS Lewis –

Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable.
Not that our seeking and questions are nonsense, quite the opposite. They are our hearts calling out for truth in a world that is so often void of the truth.
So, I encourage you to continue to believe despite the silence. Isn’t faith believing in the unseen? And a hope that your life will be blessed by grace. Remembering that you matter and there is a love that changes people.

#JustBelieve #GraceWins #HopeLives #LoveChangesPeople #YouMatter

Life to Close to the Sun

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Sometimes, it seems as if we are flying to close to the sun. Our lives are scorched with a myriad of questions and our faith is tethered to a tattered string of emotional turmoil.

In those times there is hope!

And maybe in those times it is God himself who is taking us on this flight. To burn away the self-centeredness and pride that the enemy so easily snares us in.

Remember who your real enemy is and it is not you!

And, lest you forget or need reminding. Do not be afraid, just believe for you matter and the world needs you.

We are meant for so much more, we were meant for life and life abundantly!

#YouMatter #LoveChangesPeople #JustBelieve #GraceWins #HopeLives