Grief, Life, memoir

The Dark Side of Grief

๐Ÿ‘Š ๐—ฃ๐—ข๐—ฉ: ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ธ ๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—ด๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐—ณ

IG Reel – The Dark Side of Grief

Watch my entire IG reel here > https://www.instagram.com/reel/CgM9CwSpxSd/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

Opening up the conversation to talk about the dark and uncomfortable things surrounding grief, loss, pain, death, life after and healing.

Why?

  • ๐Ÿค” Because a man’s grief is different.

Pull up a chair to the fire, I offer:

  • ๐Ÿ‘Š Grief coaching for men.
  • ๐Ÿ˜’Helping men find their best ๐™‡๐™ž๐™›๐™š ๐˜ผ๐™›๐™ฉ๐™š๐™ง ๐™๐™ง๐™–๐™ช๐™ข๐™–

Who am I and why?

  • ๐Ÿ“” Author of the memoir – ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ

๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ

๐—”๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—ป ๐—ฑ๐—ผ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ณ๐—ณ ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—บ ๐—ถ๐˜?

First step: โžก๏ธ DM to book a call to chat

Shoot me a DM if you are struggling with overcoming grief and pain, have questions or just need someone to come alongside you and sit with you in silence (Job 2:13).

We’ll schedule a free call to see if we are a good fit and I can help.

God bless and saddle up the adventure of your life after trauma awaits. ๐Ÿ‘Š

Life, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 13 – We Chose the Scars We Will Carry

We are all broken but sometimes, oh yes sometimes, the broken pieces of you and me come together beautifully. ~Mark Wayne

This chapter seems innocuous at first as I mention wandering through my thirties and into my forties after Luka died.

Moving on, as life continued, but not really moving forward.

There is a vast difference in my opinion, as time moves on regardless of what actions we take or don’t take.

So much changed, in my mind, in my heart and in my daily life after Luka died.

I lived in fear for so long and it still rears it’s ugly head even now almost thirty years later. The unknown and that we really have no control. Couple that with the feelings of grief that are so much like fear, as C.S. Lewis says in the book A Grief Observed.

The feelings of grief, loss, and pain often force us to reevaluate everything, or at least most things, for us to move forward. To start again, I don’t think of it as starting over, just another book if you will. You don’t throw everything away that you had, you carry it into the next story and each succeeding chapter.

I walk through a world remembering a young girl from over thirty years ago. Does anyone else remember? And I hear a voice in my head that asks,

“Will you remember me when forever comes and goes?”

Death of a loved one takes all we had, each promise and hope of a future together. It shakes the foundations of your belief and so often we simply, walk away burying the pain, the grief, the regret and even the love. Why?

Sometimes the scars are angry.
Sometimes they scream.
Sometimes the scars will bleed.
Sometimes they whisper.
Sometimes the scarsโ€ฆ
are just what we need.

For it is in those moments that undoubtedly will continue to come, unceasingly as time moves forward, this is when we are free to choose the scars we will carry.

———————————————

Get your copy ofย Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cryย here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 

 

 Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 โ€“ Reconciling the Past

Part 2 โ€“ Embracing the Present

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your bestย โ€œlife afterโ€, reach out. Leave a comment or email me atย info@markschutter.com,

Iโ€™ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach for Men and Author of the memoir ๐‚๐จ๐ฐ๐›๐จ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐’๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐ซ๐ฒ, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Life, memoir

RASPBERRIES!!!

I like fruit, how about you? ๐Ÿค”

For me ripening raspberries means summer and life. I have a lot of memories tied to raspberries and promises of better days ahead.

I talk a lot about death and grief in many of my posts across social media but also healing and finding your best life after the pain.

โฉ Although we will always carry some of the pain with us…

There is death and it matters but there is also rebirth and life.

Ask me how I know. ๐Ÿ˜‰

โฉ I am the author of – ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ. I have walked through my own valley of the shadow of death.

If you need more and are struggling with overcoming grief and pain from a loss let me know. It takes courage to reach out and I offer the following those who are hurting.

๐Ÿ‘Š Grief coaching for men.
๐Ÿ™ Helping men find their best ๐™‡๐™ž๐™›๐™š ๐˜ผ๐™›๐™ฉ๐™š๐™ง

Shoot me a message via my contact page and we can schedule a call to see if we are a good fit and I can help.

God bless! And saddle up, the adventure of your life after pain and grief awaits. ๐Ÿ‘Š

Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and iTunes.
Grief, Life, memoir

A Man’s Grief is Different

Agree or disagree? ๐Ÿค”

“A man’s grief is different.”

> Not right or wrong just different.
> Not good or bad just different.
> IT JUST IS.

Do what it is that works for you and reach out for support if needed.

If you are struggling with overcoming grief and pain from a loss it takes courage to reach out for support.

Men often, myself included, like to go it alone. We pride ourselves on our individualism and resilience.

Yet, sometimes we need, and want, someone to come alongside of us.

If you are struggling with overcoming grief and pain from a loss let me know.

I am the author of the memoir ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ and a grief coach for men. ๐Ÿ‘Š

Shoot me a message via my contact page and we can schedule a free discovery call to chat and see if we are a good fit and I can help.

God bless and saddle up, the adventure of your life after trauma awaits. ๐Ÿ‘Š #LifeAfter #Trauma #Healing

I have walked through my own valley of the shadow of death and would be honored to do so with you. You don’t have to do it alone. (Job 2:13)

Grief, Life, memoir

A True Story of Love, Loss, Pain, and Healing

๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ

Need a good read for the summer, how about this? ๐Ÿค”

โžก๏ธ ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ

A true story of love and loss, life and death, faith and healing. There is life after pain and trauma.

Review excerpt: “This book goes where few are willing. It is a must read for all who have loved and lost as well as a beautiful reminder that there is always hope.”

Available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iTunes in print and e-book.

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again!

memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 12 – Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Other Triggers

Everything was here, just as it was, and yet she was not and never would be again, and it was up to me to clean up the mess.

~Chapter 12, page 107, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry

There will always be reminders on the calendar… reminders of the day she died, the funeral, her birthday, and even my own birthday. Not to mention the holidays and special dates we circle on the calendar that roll around each year not caring who is there to celebrate or not.

And there is the things that come up without warning. A memory triggered by a song, a photo, even a commercial on the television and so many other things. They never go away despite the days, months, and years that go by.

There are anniversaries we try hard to remember

And there are anniversaries we can never forget

~Mark Wayne

And yet, all of this… the triggers and reminders that cause us to pause and reflect, or break down and cry are the way it is supposed to be. I wrote at the end of this chapter that life goes on, and life wrecks us on schedule.

I believe that, although not in an intentional way, there is no normal life there is just life. (A little ode to Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone ๐Ÿค  who then says to Wyatt Earp, Kirk Russell “Now go life it.”)

Life comes with it’s joys and sorrows, love and loss, pain and healing. Moments touch us or trigger us, in that I believe we get to chose. For no matter what happens, our real power lies only in how we respond to what life throws at us.

There is a life after trauma, and healing is possible.

Get your copy of my story of love, loss, grief and healing, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry  >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again!

 Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 โ€“ Reconciling the Past

Part 2 โ€“ Embracing the Present

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best โ€œlife afterโ€, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,

Iโ€™ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free minute call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach for Men and Author of the memoir ๐‚๐จ๐ฐ๐›๐จ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐’๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐ซ๐ฒ, and we all need a little support sometimes.

God, Grief, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 11 – Not Wanting to Be Alive

Things happen… and thank God some don’t.

This chapter was easy for me write because I remember each detail from almost 30 years ago vividly, even now, months after my memoir has been published.

Yet, this was the hardest chapter for me to include in the book. Because I tell the story of the closest I came to committing suicide after Luka’s death.

The gun was in my hand, my finger on the trigger, the end of the round barrel pressing a circle into the skin of my right temple.

Not wanting to be alive is not the same as thing as wanting to be dead. ~Megan Devine, ๐ผ๐‘ก’๐‘  ๐‘‚๐‘˜๐‘Ž๐‘ฆ ๐‘‡โ„Ž๐‘Ž๐‘ก ๐‘Œ๐‘œ๐‘ข’๐‘Ÿ๐‘’ ๐‘๐‘œ๐‘ก ๐‘‚๐‘˜๐‘Ž๐‘ฆ

I had survived the crash that totaled our Ford Bronco and killed our dog, only spending one night in the hospital. But the unrelenting heartache I felt far exceeded the physical pain from the 37 stitches in my head and the skin grafts on the back of my left hand. I didn’t want to go on.

There seemed no way out, nor through for me at that time. I only wanted it all to end. I hadn’t thought seriously about committing suicide until the moment I found myself with the pistol in my hand.

Sure the thought had crossed my mind but only in fleeting moments and I prayed most nights before falling asleep that God would take me before I awoke.

Some force beyond me stayed my hand and my mind in the moments as my finger tightened on the trigger. I call it God. My life and his purpose for me was not complete yet.

I knew the loss would never go away, and no matter what I did to fill the empty spaces, her absence would always be permanent.

CHAPTER 11, NOT WANTING TO BE ALIVE โ€“ PAGE 104, MARK W. SCHUTTER

Now, so many years later I think about how that one act would have changed everything that was and nothing would be as it is. I carry the burden… and so we move forward with hope, with strength, and belief.

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry  >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! ๐Ÿ‘Š

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 โ€“ Reconciling the Past

Part 2 โ€“ Embracing the Present

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best โ€œlife afterโ€, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,

Iโ€™ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free 15 minute call to see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach and Author of the memoir ๐‚๐จ๐ฐ๐›๐จ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐’๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐ซ๐ฒ, and we all need a little support sometimes.

God, Grief, memoir

Upcoming Live Events This Week!

I have the distinct pleasure and honor to be the guest on two different live video chats this week, Wednesday and Thursday evening talking about grief, my book, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, faith, the occult, and other things. ๐Ÿ˜‰

The Reclamation Project with Collene James on Through the Black (TtB)

Unveiling the Paranormal with Shawn Carter on YouTube

If you can’t join live, be sure to catch the replay’s and let me know what you think.

PS โ€“ You can read more of my story of grief, loss, healing and life after in my memoirย Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, available on many online platforms. I use my experience to coach others struggling with grief and moving forward from loss, let me know and weโ€™ll schedule a 15 minute intro call to see if I can help. God bless, ~M

Grief, memoir

If You Know…

If you know,

then you know,

that you know.

It was the 29th time that the day of her birth had come around following her death. Nothing much seems to have changed over the past few years. At least on the inside.

I kept busy that day, working moving dirt and readying the planter boxes in the greenhouse for planting. It was a beautiful sunny spring day.

And then out of the blue it hit me.

The memories I hold so dear were of a young girl in her mid-twenties. In the fullness of life, with dreams of the future, until the last few months when the sickness began to overtake her. But this day it is the year 2022.

She would have turned 57 years old.

Just typing the words seems surreal. I will turn 58 later this year so it tracks mathematically. But the heart knows nothing of numbers, only images stored in the mind and carried forever.

And I have no idea what she would look like were she alive today.

I have aged, gray hairs shining through my blonde curls. My whiskers when I let them grow are tinged with silver and the lines at the corners of my eyes and on my forehead are tell tale signs of the years that have passed.

But in my mind she is still that young girl.

In the prime of her young life, long brown hair, and sparkling blue eyes. The ravages of time had not yet made their mark as they do to us all that are blessed to live for many years. My mind is swirling.

I cannot picture her as 57 year old woman.

So, I wonder at this. Another wave of grief and loss assaults’ me. I feel as I if I have lost her again. For a second time, no a third time… hell I have lost count of how many times over the ensuing years.

I live on with memories from long ago.

I am happy. I have moved forward with a wonderful wife and daughter. And yet, I have watched my daughter grow into a teenager, and my wife has aged as have I. And my memories of her are frozen in time.

She has never aged.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? She never got the pleasure of enjoying more of life. Of family and friends. Even the aches and pains of a body that is worn and tired from a life lived fully.

But maybe, just maybe she did.

I smile, my heart is happy because in her almost 28 years of life, she lived every moment fully. She was alive, even at the end when the cancer racked her body, when everything hurt and I stood holding her hand to the end of our journey together.

I carry the grief and loss, right alongside my joy and happiness.

PS – You can read more of my story of grief, loss, healing and life after in my memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, available on many online platforms. I use my experience to coach others struggling with grief and moving forward from loss, let me know and we’ll schedule a 15 minute intro call to see if I can help. God bless, ~M

Grief, Life, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 10 – A Different Trajectory

In the last few paragraphs of this chapter I paraphrase the C.S. Lewis quote about nonsense questions that God finds unanswerable which we ask in the midst of our pain. How I believe God may simply wave them away in compassionate silence.

So many questions still linger to this day and I am better at living with no answers… most of the time.

Things happen, and we must just continue to paddle through the rapids of our lives. #ThingsHappen #Quote #Memoir #Grief #Healing #CowboysAreNotSupposedtoCry

I recall an incident at the cancer institute where I was overcome with emotion at the perceived lack of compassion and concern for my wife and I uttered, quick loudly, some obscenities in a waiting room full of people. I still carry a lot of the pain, the hurt, and the confusion from those events that occurred many years ago and yet I know that now I am not the same as I was then.

My fears that began when she was diagnosed and grew through her illness and eventually her death are still with me to an extent. Some I have reconciled and even embraced. Some I have buried and I know I need more healing. I leave that to God and his timing… but I must be an active participant when it is time.

Only recently as I embark on a new business of coaching and mentoring others through grief have I begun to truly ask the question of what it is that grief asks of us.

What has your grief asked of you?

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

PS – have a nice day and remember faith is a belief in the unseen.