Love – Mark Wayne – Author and Warrior

Revisiting Chapter 15 – The Judgment of a Bad Man

August 29, 2022 Mark Wayne

This is the first chapter of the third section, Redeeming the Future, of my memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲.

I have given a lot of thought over the years about reminders, and so much is a reminder of a life once lived in another time and place.

I have ordained myself as judge, jury, and executioner of my fate, rarely asking where is God in all of this?

“Every once in while I almost get through a day without thinking about who I am and what I’d done.” ~Charley Waite (Kevin Costner), Open Range #Quote #Westerns #Cowboys
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The above quote haunts me and I share it later in Chapter 22 of my book, and we’ll get there soon, but it seems to fit in this chapter also. We do things in this life, and things happen whether intended or not, and there are consequences. Some of these things stay with us as we seek redemption. We hide from the truth and we lie to ourselves and others. Our thoughts spiral and we chastise ourselves for those thoughts we deem wicked, and sometimes simply unkind.

I know for many years I lived, and often still do, in fear of becoming the man I dread that I might be, based on the enemies lies whispered in my ears. These stories, we have each created and written, in which we find ourselves living in each and every day.

Is the story I (we) tell true?

That is what we must each come to terms with. And when we do, we must either renounce the vows and the lies or forgive ourselves, and others, for the wrongs committed.

“We can rise from the ashes and the darkness deep, for there is forgiveness, even for those who find they are still believing the lies, regardless of the thoughts in my head that tell me I am a bad man, a complete screwup at times, or just a beautiful mess wrecked right on schedule, as he should be by what life has thrown at him.”

~Chapter 15, Page 139

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated. Thanks again!

> If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved on and searching for your best “Life After”, reach out.

Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com. I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, “Life After” Coach and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your “Life After” awaits! 👊

God, Grief, Life

Are You HOLDING On?

August 23, 2022August 22, 2022 Mark Wayne

➡️ Hold on.

It’s not easy friends to continue to believe sometimes.

➡️ But hold on.

The silence and the noise can sometimes be deafening.

➡️ Hold on.

The fear and uncertainty can sometimes be overwhelming.

➡️ Hold on, you matter.

PS – comment what I can pray with you and for you.

Grief, Life, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 14 – As the World Moves On

August 4, 2022August 2, 2022 Mark Wayne

This is the last chapter in Part 2, Embracing the Present of my memoir, 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲 and seems fitting as truly the world moves on after your loss and you have to somehow figure out and accept the reality. This means embracing the present in order to move on with it.

“Just as sure as the turnin’ of the earth.” – Ethan Edwards (John Wayne), The Searchers #quote #western #movie
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The Searchers

One of my favorite movies, and allegory for my own life as I have spend so much time searching for answers to questions that haunt me. Questions of which most have no answers this side of the undiscovered (heaven).

I have learned that for my healing it has meant reconciling my past, embracing the present, and redeeming my future. Often in no particular order as grief is not linear and there are so many ‘secondary’ losses that pop up. Even years later sometimes, that I must wrestle with and heal from.

⏩ Grief is carried as we search for what it means to us.

There seemed to be a turning point for me in September of 2017 after returning from a family vacation to Yellowstone National park when I wrote a blog post entitled “Searching… it’s all shit!”

I was finally realizing that I needed to get help and healing for my past, my present, and my future, and to be the best version of myself for those I loved and loved me in return. It was around this time that I seriously began the collating and putting together my memoir. Two years later in August of 2019, I signed a publishing contract with Christian Faith Publishing and my book was published the following August of 2020.

It was during this time that I realized that to truly rebuild my life after the pain and sorrow, I would have to let go of death, but would always carry the experience.

The joys and sorrows would forever occupy the same space in my heart.

I must reconcile my past, embrace my present, and redeem my future. To move forward, not on, to discover where it is that I came from, knowing that death will always follow me. We unwillingly say a courageous faithful amen to the way it was, it is, and can be; which is what acknowledging death asks of us.

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated. Thanks again!

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, reach out. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,

I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach for Men and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

Grief, Life, memoir

The Dark Side of Grief

August 2, 2022 Mark Wayne

👊 𝗣𝗢𝗩: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗸 𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳

Watch my entire IG reel here > https://www.instagram.com/reel/CgM9CwSpxSd/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

Opening up the conversation to talk about the dark and uncomfortable things surrounding grief, loss, pain, death, life after and healing.

Why?

🤔 Because a man’s grief is different.

Pull up a chair to the fire, I offer:

👊 Grief coaching for men.
😒Helping men find their best 𝙇𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝘼𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙪𝙢𝙖

Who am I and why?

📔 Author of the memoir – 𝘾𝙤𝙬𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝘾𝙧𝙮

𝘾𝙤𝙬𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝘾𝙧𝙮

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗶𝘁?

First step: ➡️ DM to book a call to chat

Shoot me a DM if you are struggling with overcoming grief and pain, have questions or just need someone to come alongside you and sit with you in silence (Job 2:13).

We’ll schedule a free call to see if we are a good fit and I can help.

God bless and saddle up the adventure of your life after trauma awaits. 👊

Life, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 13 – We Chose the Scars We Will Carry

July 19, 2022 Mark Wayne

We are all broken but sometimes, oh yes sometimes, the broken pieces of you and me come together beautifully. ~Mark Wayne

This chapter seems innocuous at first as I mention wandering through my thirties and into my forties after Luka died.

Moving on, as life continued, but not really moving forward.

There is a vast difference in my opinion, as time moves on regardless of what actions we take or don’t take.

So much changed, in my mind, in my heart and in my daily life after Luka died.

I lived in fear for so long and it still rears it’s ugly head even now almost thirty years later. The unknown and that we really have no control. Couple that with the feelings of grief that are so much like fear, as C.S. Lewis says in the book A Grief Observed.

The feelings of grief, loss, and pain often force us to reevaluate everything, or at least most things, for us to move forward. To start again, I don’t think of it as starting over, just another book if you will. You don’t throw everything away that you had, you carry it into the next story and each succeeding chapter.

I walk through a world remembering a young girl from over thirty years ago. Does anyone else remember? And I hear a voice in my head that asks,

“Will you remember me when forever comes and goes?”

Death of a loved one takes all we had, each promise and hope of a future together. It shakes the foundations of your belief and so often we simply, walk away burying the pain, the grief, the regret and even the love. Why?

Sometimes the scars are angry.
Sometimes they scream.
Sometimes the scars will bleed.
Sometimes they whisper.
Sometimes the scars…
are just what we need.

For it is in those moments that undoubtedly will continue to come, unceasingly as time moves forward, this is when we are free to choose the scars we will carry.

———————————————

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated. Thanks again!

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, reach out. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,

I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

Grief, Life, memoir

A Man’s Grief is Different

July 7, 2022July 6, 2022 Mark Wayne

Agree or disagree? 🤔

“A man’s grief is different.”

> Not right or wrong just different.
> Not good or bad just different.
> IT JUST IS.

Do what it is that works for you and reach out for support if needed.

If you are struggling with overcoming grief and pain from a loss it takes courage to reach out for support.

Men often, myself included, like to go it alone. We pride ourselves on our individualism and resilience.

Yet, sometimes we need, and want, someone to come alongside of us.

If you are struggling with overcoming grief and pain from a loss let me know.

I am the author of the memoir 𝘾𝙤𝙬𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝘾𝙧𝙮 and a grief coach for men. 👊

Shoot me a message via my contact page and we can schedule a free discovery call to chat and see if we are a good fit and I can help.

God bless and saddle up, the adventure of your life after trauma awaits. 👊 #LifeAfter #Trauma #Healing
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I have walked through my own valley of the shadow of death and would be honored to do so with you. You don’t have to do it alone. (Job 2:13)

memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 12 – Birthdays, Anniversaries, and Other Triggers

June 30, 2022June 29, 2022 Mark Wayne

Everything was here, just as it was, and yet she was not and never would be again, and it was up to me to clean up the mess.

~Chapter 12, page 107, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry

There will always be reminders on the calendar… reminders of the day she died, the funeral, her birthday, and even my own birthday. Not to mention the holidays and special dates we circle on the calendar that roll around each year not caring who is there to celebrate or not.

And there is the things that come up without warning. A memory triggered by a song, a photo, even a commercial on the television and so many other things. They never go away despite the days, months, and years that go by.

There are anniversaries we try hard to remember

And there are anniversaries we can never forget

~Mark Wayne

And yet, all of this… the triggers and reminders that cause us to pause and reflect, or break down and cry are the way it is supposed to be. I wrote at the end of this chapter that life goes on, and life wrecks us on schedule.

I believe that, although not in an intentional way, there is no normal life there is just life. (A little ode to Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone 🤠 who then says to Wyatt Earp, Kirk Russell “Now go life it.”)

Life comes with it’s joys and sorrows, love and loss, pain and healing. Moments touch us or trigger us, in that I believe we get to chose. For no matter what happens, our real power lies only in how we respond to what life throws at us.

There is a life after trauma, and healing is possible.

Get your copy of my story of love, loss, grief and healing, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated. Thanks again!

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,

I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free minute call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

Grief, Life

Are You Struggling?

June 21, 2022June 21, 2022 Mark Wayne

People with broken 💔 hearts often don’t know who they are anymore. #Quote #Grief
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You’ve most likely heard it said to be kind as everyone is fighting a battle nobody else knows about. Thus, many feel alone and lost.

➡️ This truth has come up many times in my conversations with others.

If you are struggling I will come alongside you. ~Job 2:13

I have stood by the bedside holding the hand of my late wife as she died. I had to turn and leave her. Leaving everything I had ever known and thus began my own walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I have been there and now I want to help others.

Reaching out takes strength and courage. Send me a message via my contact page to schedule a free 15 minute intro call to see if we are a good fit and if I can help.

👊 God bless! Joshua 1:9

God, Grief, memoir

Grief Reclaimed / Grief and the Paranormal – 2 Live Interviews

June 7, 2022June 7, 2022 Mark Wayne

I was honored to be the guest last week on two shows and the interview replays are available on Rumble and YouTube.

Watch the replay of the live unscripted conversation about grief, death, and faith with host Collene James of 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 on the Through the Black channel on Rumble.

https://rumble.com/v1718pn-grief-reclaimed.html

Collene and I touched on the following topics :

My book and story of grief
How grief touches on grief
Grief in scripture
The spirit of grief vs Godly grief
The directive as believers to grieve
And so much more!

Watch the replay of the live unscripted conversation about how the paranormal uses grief to decieve people with Shawn Carter on 𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 on YouTube. 👊

https://youtu.be/vlZ2zRK3g_4

Shawn and I talked about the following:

Wanting to hear their voice just one more time.
Biblical directive to not consult nor talk with the dead.
Does that imply that we could but are instructed not to?
How mediums prey on the vulnerability of those grieving.
Who is talking to/throught the medium?
Is it really a loved one who appears to us?
Appearance of animals that some believe are signs.
How faith sustains us and supports us.
God’s salvation for believers.

Two great conversations last week, listen to the replays now!

𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐝-https://rumble.com/v1718pn-grief-reclaimed.html
𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 – https://youtu.be/vlZ2zRK3g_4

#Grief #Loss #Occult #Faith #Paranormal
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Take a listen and let me know what you think! God bless!

God, Grief, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 11 – Not Wanting to Be Alive

June 4, 2022June 4, 2022 Mark Wayne

Things happen… and thank God some don’t.

This chapter was easy for me write because I remember each detail from almost 30 years ago vividly, even now, months after my memoir has been published.

Yet, this was the hardest chapter for me to include in the book. Because I tell the story of the closest I came to committing suicide after Luka’s death.

The gun was in my hand, my finger on the trigger, the end of the round barrel pressing a circle into the skin of my right temple.

Not wanting to be alive is not the same as thing as wanting to be dead. ~Megan Devine, 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑌𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑁𝑜𝑡 𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦
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I had survived the crash that totaled our Ford Bronco and killed our dog, only spending one night in the hospital. But the unrelenting heartache I felt far exceeded the physical pain from the 37 stitches in my head and the skin grafts on the back of my left hand. I didn’t want to go on.

There seemed no way out, nor through for me at that time. I only wanted it all to end. I hadn’t thought seriously about committing suicide until the moment I found myself with the pistol in my hand.

Sure the thought had crossed my mind but only in fleeting moments and I prayed most nights before falling asleep that God would take me before I awoke.

Some force beyond me stayed my hand and my mind in the moments as my finger tightened on the trigger. I call it God. My life and his purpose for me was not complete yet.

I knew the loss would never go away, and no matter what I did to fill the empty spaces, her absence would always be permanent.
CHAPTER 11, NOT WANTING TO BE ALIVE – PAGE 104, MARK W. SCHUTTER

Now, so many years later I think about how that one act would have changed everything that was and nothing would be as it is. I carry the burden… and so we move forward with hope, with strength, and belief.

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated. Thanks again! 👊

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,

I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free 15 minute call to see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Is the story I (we) tell true?

➡️ Hold on.

➡️ But hold on.

➡️ Hold on.

➡️ Hold on, you matter.

The joys and sorrows would forever occupy the same space in my heart.

𝘾𝙤𝙬𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝘾𝙧𝙮

𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗶𝘁?

We are all broken but sometimes, oh yes sometimes, the broken pieces of you and me come together beautifully. ~Mark Wayne

Moving on, as life continued, but not really moving forward.

“Will you remember me when forever comes and goes?”

Sometimes the scars are angry.Sometimes they scream.Sometimes the scars will bleed.Sometimes they whisper.Sometimes the scars…are just what we need.

> Not right or wrong just different.> Not good or bad just different.> IT JUST IS.

I have walked through my own valley of the shadow of death and would be honored to do so with you. You don’t have to do it alone. (Job 2:13)

There is a life after trauma, and healing is possible.

If you are struggling I will come alongside you. ~Job 2:13

I was honored to be the guest last week on two shows and the interview replays are available on Rumble and YouTube.

Take a listen and let me know what you think! God bless!

The gun was in my hand, my finger on the trigger, the end of the round barrel pressing a circle into the skin of my right temple.

There seemed no way out, nor through for me at that time. I only wanted it all to end. I hadn’t thought seriously about committing suicide until the moment I found myself with the pistol in my hand.

Sometimes the scars are angry.
Sometimes they scream.
Sometimes the scars will bleed.
Sometimes they whisper.
Sometimes the scars…
are just what we need.

> Not right or wrong just different.
> Not good or bad just different.
> IT JUST IS.