Grief, Life, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 3 – Walking Away

Sometimes you have to walk away…

Chapter 3 began taking shape in my mind following a conversation with my therapist. As usual we were discussing Luka’s death and the impacts on me, when I mentioned that in the moments after she died. I spoke about remembering standing by her bedside where she lay. Thinking to myself, there was nothing else I could do. I had to and needed to walk away. Yet, I stayed for several moments by her bedside.

I knew I needed to walk away. To turn from this lifeless body that lay in front of me that had held my whole world. There was nothing left for me to do for her.

I recall my therapist staring at me in silence for several seconds before he spoke softly. “It’s interesting in all my experience you are the first person to talk about that. I mean we talk about the death and then we jump to the funeral proceedings and all the logistical things around death. No one has ever mentioned before, those moments immediately following someone dying and what those left behind have to do.”

I swallowed hard and responded, “Yeah, her death was peaceful and calm but then what? I stood there, knowing she was dead and then realizing that was it. I had to turn away from everything I knew and walk away, leaving her there alone. That was hard.”

I don’t recall if I thought about all those things that would never be again or just the among of willpower it took to move my feet and leave her behind. Our time together in the physical world was done.

“Time together was the only thing, just being with her, sitting talking, watching movies, and holding her hand, so many things that I now believe may have helped her breathe a little easier in those moments.”

CHAPTER 3, WALKING AWAY, PAGE 40 – MARK W. SCHUTTER

There would be no more talks, no more movies, no more time together. Only the memories of what once was. I still carry those memories, nothing can take them away, although the edges of my memory may have frayed and faded a bit. That is just time eroding what once was. I was heading towards my 29th birthday…

“I was lost at sea with on wind in my sails. I had the freedom to do, to be, to go anywhere I wanted, and I did not want that freedom. I was free to walk away. How do you reconcile that?”

CHAPTER 3. WALKING AWAY, PAGE 42 – MARK W. SCHUTTER

Here are links to my thoughts and revisits of Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

Order your copy today, and one or two or threeโ€ฆ as a gift for some else who is struggling, 

You can also contact me here on my website to purchase signed copies.

PAY IT FORWARD!

Adventure, Life, Writing

2022 Is Here, Are You Lost Yet?

The calendar has turned over to 2022, whether we welcome in the new year or not it is now here. It is indifferent to our feelings, our wants, our desires, and our needs. Time marches on as the hands on the clocks tick endlessly on until the batteries run down and the motor stops.

Is this a metaphor for our lives? Our lives move on, whether we do or not, until our batteries run down until we are faced with our own deaths and our life’s ending.

With everything going on in our world today, we can often feel lost. Maybe we need to intentionally get lost? Turn off the electronics and away from the incessant noise of social media and the news.

3 Tips – Get, Go, and Grab!

  • Get outside into nature, put on a coat and hat if its cold, and turn off the notifications on your phone. Trust me you’ll be okay. ๐Ÿ˜‰
  • Go somewhere you’ve never been before and really look at what is in front of you. Especially if you don’t know where you are. ๐Ÿ˜Ž
  • Grab someone you love and hold them tight. Feel their breathing and listen for there heartbeat. That is what’s important. ๐Ÿ˜š

Here’s to a great tomorrow!

Grief, Life, memoir, Stories, Writing

Pay it Forward – Will You Purpose to Commit Intentional Acts of Kindness?

Signed copies of my memoir being packaged for delivery!

There is still time to order your own copy and one or two or three… as a gift for some else in time for the holidays. PAY IT FORWARD! ๐Ÿ‘Š Available in print and e-book.

You can also reach out to me here on my website to purchase signed copies. Here’s some comments I have received from readers –

  • Your story touched my heart in more ways than I can even explain. Even though it triggered a lot of sadness and emotions it also gave me hope.
  • Just finished the first chapter of your book and I must tell you how beautiful your words are. You have such an amazing gift. Thank you for sharingโค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
  • I will have to say I have never read a book like yours before. I read a lot! I do want to tell you that this book is absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing your feelings.

There is always hope of ‘life after…” and hope is never a small thing. #CowboysAreNotsupposedtoCry #Memoir #Grief #Healing #Trauma #LifeAfter https://www.amzn.com/1639031022 

Life, memoir, Writing

Are you receiving my NEWSLETTER?

I have sent out my most recent newsletter just today and it can be viewed here.

It is a great way to keep up to date and be one of the first to hear about exciting events and happenings. My memoir is now available in both print and e-book formats.

Purchase your copy here:

Amazon > https://www.amzn.com/1639031022

Barnes and Noble > https://www.bn.com/s/9781639031023

I have some exciting changes coming up and new opportunities that I will be sharing. So, let’s start the conversation about

“Life after…”

memoir, Writing

There is and can be ‘life after…”

Print and e-book available now on Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Here is the video trailer >

What do you think of when you hear the word grief?

How would you describe the experience, your experience?

๐—–๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜†๐˜€ ๐—”๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ก๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ฆ๐˜‚๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—–๐—ฟ๐˜† > Available now on Amazon > https://www.amzn.com/1639031022ย #Grief #Memoir #Healing #Men

Grief, memoir, Stories

Cowboys … Cry?

Vulnerable transparency post!

My just released memoir is titled:

Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry

So why is that the past few days I have been on the edge of tears?

There is so much going on in my life right now both personally and professionally, more to come on that later.

Not to mention the chaotic and confusing world we find ourselves living in right now. But like the Ringo Kid (John Wayne) said in Stagecoach

“Well, there are some things a man just can’t run away from. “

My friends I am not running but I am being wise as every warrior must be if they are to survive and thrive. May God bless you. Stay strong and remember sometimes even the strongest cowboys cry.

The print copy of my book (memoir) is available now on Amazon.
God, Grief, Life, Writing

Do you feel alone? Maybe, you are not as alone as you think.

But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray. ~Luke 5:15 NASB

Do not fear, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, And gather you from the west. ~Isaiah 43:5 NASB

These things I have spoken to you to that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. ~John 16:33 NASB

There are a lot of troubling things going on all over the world right now. Whether you agree or disagree with decisions being made, I think we can all agree that the current state of affairs is troubling. As we watch events unfold we cannot help but think and worry about the impacts on your personal world. Our families and friends, our workplaces and places we visit all are feeling the effects.

I am in the midst of many changes in my personal life and the decisions often seem overwhelming. However, I trust the one who has the answers even when he doesn’t reveal them to me. I talk a lot about this in my memoir ๐‚๐จ๐ฐ๐›๐จ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐’๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐ซ๐ฒ which was just published by Christian Faith Publishing and is available on Amazon.

I have to remind myself that I am not truly alone and there are others struggling with decisions and impacts as well. I think we have a couple of options:

  1. Trust God. This is where our faith determines our outlook and do we believe that God is still in control despite what we see happening all around us.
  2. Reach out in service of others. Those around us who are experiencing similar things, let us help one another grow as individuals and communities.
  3. Shrink back. This should not be an option as this only serves to isolate us more and allows fear, distrust, and distress to grow. (โฌ…PS – this is exactly what the enemy wants us to do.

Now, what will you choose?

Do not rejoiceย over me, enemyย of mine.
Thoughย I fallย I will rise;
Thoughย I liveย in darkness, the LORDย is a lightย for me.
~Micah 7:8

Grief, Life, memoir

“I am speechless!” – Book Update

๐“๐ก๐š๐ง๐ค ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ! To each one who has purchased my #memoir,

๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ

I have received some amazing private messages from readers describing how much my book has impacted them.

  • “This book is absolutely amazing. Just the emotion I felt while reading it was so crazy.”
  • “Pacing myself, fighting feelings of not wanting it to end.”
  • “I really donโ€™t know what to say . I guess Iโ€™m pretty speechless.”

These are just a few! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I am truly blessed!!! If you have or intend to read my book I would truly appreciate you leaving a review on Amazon and Goodreads. Thank you so much!

You can purchase a print copy now and the E-book is coming soon!

God bless!

Grief, Photograph, Writing

The Waiting is the Hardest Part!

๐—–๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜†๐˜€ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ ๐—ฐ๐—ฟ๐˜†๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ป’๐˜ ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ถ๐—ณ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜†๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด! ๐Ÿ“ท Carri Schutter

๐—–๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฏ๐—ผ๐˜†๐˜€ ๐—บ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ ๐—ฐ๐—ฟ๐˜†๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฏ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐—ป’๐˜ ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ถ๐—ณ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜†๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด!

Sometimes you just need to slow down and breathe in the moment. It has been a crazy couple of weeks and with everything going on around the publication of my memoir. The other evening I was blessed to go out to the barn with my wife and daughter. It was a quiet evening just the three of us and the horses, those are the times and the memories I cherish.

What about you?

As we approach the upcoming release of my memoir > ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ as a precursor I encourage you to take a listen to the conversation with Ronit Plank as a guest on her podcast ๐—”๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—˜๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜†๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—–๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ๐—ฑ last January talking about life, death, grief and healing.

Click on the graphic to go to the podcast episode.