I Got Nothing… Really?

I posted the poem below in black text yesterday morning in a flurry of free-writing in the midst of my own despondency over being sick recently and the healing process being so slow.  I rambled then and today I began to re-think this a little bit so went back and added a rebuttal to my thoughts of yesterday in red.  We often have so much more than we realize in those moments, things for which we should always be grateful. What do you think?

As I sit in muted silence
I can clearly hear the words
The incessant ringing in my ear
Is only a minor annoyance
Thoughts of
Truth and visions
This and that
Are dreams of the future
Dissolve like snowflakes
Into a torrent
In August
That refreshes the soul

The beating of my heart
Confirms a purpose
The fatigue that covers me
Says the path is right
The feelings of
Fear means that the dream is big
What I just don’t know
But there is one that does

I wanna
Dream!
I wanna
Persevere!
I wanna
Believe!

The Vision of the Path Remains

A Vision of the Path Remains

But it seems so hard
Nothing worthwhile is easy
So I will sit in the silence
Listening for the voice of truth
Of my own coursing thoughts
That will lead me on
Believing in better days ahead
And a hope that does not disappoint
When the pressure clears
For this too will pass
In my head
A vision of the path remains

~Mark Schutter ©2015

 

I Got Nothing…

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As I sit in muted silence
The incessant ringing in my ear
Thoughts of
This and that
Dissolve like snowflakes
In August

The beating of my heart
The fatigue that covers me
The feelings of
What I just don’t know

I wanna
I wanna
I wanna

But it seems so hard
So I will sit in the silence
Of my own coursing thoughts
Believing in better days ahead
When the pressure clears
In my head

~Mark Schutter ©2015

I haven’t posted much over the past weeks as I’ve been fighting a viral infection. Getting better finally but my thoughts are still jumbled and all over the place. This ramble is what poured out this morning.  Have a great day and God bless!

Tomorrow – extended haiku

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Wrapped in fatigue
Strength a million miles away
Trusting in my faith
Dawns tomorrow a new day
Fear not just believe

~Mark Schutter ©2015

In the midst of sickness; my own, others and the evil in the world, I am resting in His grace and my belief that I should not fear for He has overcome the world.

#JustBelieve #GraceWins #HopeLives

Something Completely Different!

He quickly dried himself and tossed the towel aside. Wrapping the soft white bath robe around his waist he tied the belt around his waist making a knot in the front. He then exited the building into the warm afternoon sun. It seemed to be a normal spring day with the sun shining amongst billowy clouds floating across the canvas of a cerulean sky. He quickly spotted her standing a short distance away with her back to him. She was wearing a similar white bath robe and her long brown hair hung down over her shoulders. She appeared to be having a conversation with a man who he did not know seated in front of her in a lawn chair. The distance between her and the man appeared to be about two yards and he seemed to be listening intently.

He began to walk towards her and this stranger, covering the distance quickly as his instincts raised the hairs on the back of his neck. The area was the grounds of a campus of some sort with people milling about amidst numerous large brick buildings. As he drew closer in his approach to the two figures he heard her voice. She seemed to be replying in response to a question from the strange man. Others passed by ignoring them both.

Coming from behind she was unaware of his approach and his nearness allowed him to hear her say the word ‘cancer.’ At that moment her hands quickly untied the knot at her waist holding her bath robe closed. Grabbing both front seams she tore open the robe her arms outstretched to her sides.  Shocked, he quickly covered the last few yards to where she was standing. Without hesitating he placed himself squarely between her and this man sitting there with an almost deliriously evil grin on his face. He was able to block the man’s view of her with his body. As he had moved to intersect the sight line between the two he was even more surprised to catch sight of bare skin and the swell of a breast. The realization that she was completely naked beneath the bath robe and had exposed herself to this strange man sent his mind into a free fall.

Catching his breath he quickly grabbed the edges of her robe and pulled them together to cover her nakedness. She did not resist and others passing by seemed not to notice. He then grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her away from the stranger. They began walking away as he guided her with his arm around her shoulders. As they walked, his legs felt as if he had just ran a marathon and only kept moving on instinct. His mind was reeling, his heart beating loudly in his chest. Minutes pass as they walk in silence before he is able to speak.

“What are you doing?” he asks incredulously trying to hide the anger and dismay. Her response is short and clipped with very little emotion, “You do not understand.”

“I do not understand?” he questions her.

“No, you do not,” she states simply.

She pauses before calmly adding, “I am the one dying.”

~Mark Schutter ©2014

Dying 2014(This story came to me in a dream, I have written it down here verbatim from what I recalled the next morning upon waking.  I have tried to add no extra details and if I have it is unintentional.  The mind has dreams of its own, of which in the light of day the reasons behind the dreams are chased away with the rising of the sun. ~M)

Depressing as HELL!

The following poem was written after spending the entire day at the hospital watching ‘life’ occurring all around me.  Some say that hospitals are places of hope and healing, I tend to view them as places of pain and suffering.  If you read my about page ‘A Cowboys Heart’, it might help explain why I feel this way.  We all deal in different ways and I deal often by writing, so here it is,  and yes, I used the word hell in both the title and the poem!

The air is heavy
The silence thunders
The noise says nothing
The feelings of life slipping away
The joys we had
The love we held
The lives we lived
The memories are all we can hold
The soul searches
The mind steadily slips
The spirit wanders long
The pain now a constant companion
What can we really say
What have we all became
What happened along the way
What we know it is depressing as hell
In the midst of faith
In the midst of hope
In the midst of love
In the midst of better things to come
Lay down the doubts
Lay down the burdens
Lay down the forgiveness
Lay it all down and rest now

~Mark Schutter ©2014