Life, memoir

Men, Mental Health, Grief, and Finding Life After

New interview on the podcast The Death Dialogues Project

Men, Mental Health, Grief, and Finding Life After

Take a listen and be sure to leave a comment there and below letting me know what you think.

Be sure to follow The Death Dialogues Project on:

For a companion piece in which I was mentioned read the following article on Substack by Becky Aud-Jennison founder of The Death Dialogues Project.

The Aftermath – Grief: Processing, Honoring or Denying

“The aftermath of death will have its way with us one way or the other.”

Quote from the article.

PS – My memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry is still available.

Grab your print or e-book copy today!

Grief, memoir, Writing

Revisiting Chapter 17 – Physical Beauty and Emotional Scars

Sometimes the words fade…

~Mark Wayne, chapter 17, Page 149

This chapter was not only one of, but may have been the hardest chapter to write, and even more so to include in my memoir.

I have feelings of anxiety, knowing others have read the words I wrote, and proud of myself at the same time. The honesty and transparency regarding the emotional and physical intimacy that can occur within a marriage, is evident. The words reveal so much of my own insecurities and failures, and I assume many of hers as well.

I pray the words, speak to others that the battles we face are sometimes behind closed doors where no one sees. At a point where I was struggling when writing my story, my daughter gave me a handwritten note that simply said,

“Somebody out there needs your story.” โค

So, I kept writing spurred on by her encouragement and love. Until finally, after many months I held the finished book in my hands. I pray it helps others feel not so alone.

Back to the chapter at hand. I won’t go into detail here about the content of the chapter suffice to say it is about physical and emotional beauty, attraction and desire between a man and a woman. God given desires of our hearts I believe.

We live in a paradox of what society says is the “ideal” when behind closed doors it often falls short of that imagined perfection. The reality is often so different, at least it was in my case, and maybe hers’ as well, who’s to say? And so we move forward battling together and alone at the same time.

Sometimes all you can do is live with it.

Page 153, Chapter 17, ๐‚๐จ๐ฐ๐›๐จ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐’๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐ซ๐ฒ

The scars… both physical and emotional that we all carry from the wounds we have been dealt in this life. I did not understand it then and I certainly don’t pretend to understand it now, these thirty years later. I realize there are more questions here than answers, just like in the chapter of my memoir. So I will leave you with the following quote.

The best is perhaps what is understood least.

~C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 

> If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved on and searching for your best โ€œLife Afterโ€, reach out.

Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com. Iโ€™ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, โ€œLife Afterโ€ Coach and Author of the memoir, ๐‚๐จ๐ฐ๐›๐จ๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐’๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ž๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐ซ๐ฒ, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 โ€“ Reconciling the Past

Part 2 โ€“ Embracing the Present

Part 3 – Redeeming the Future

Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your โ€œLife Afterโ€ awaits! 

God, Grief, memoir

Upcoming Live Events This Week!

I have the distinct pleasure and honor to be the guest on two different live video chats this week, Wednesday and Thursday evening talking about grief, my book, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, faith, the occult, and other things. ๐Ÿ˜‰

The Reclamation Project with Collene James on Through the Black (TtB)

Unveiling the Paranormal with Shawn Carter on YouTube

If you can’t join live, be sure to catch the replay’s and let me know what you think.

PS โ€“ You can read more of my story of grief, loss, healing and life after in my memoirย Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, available on many online platforms. I use my experience to coach others struggling with grief and moving forward from loss, let me know and weโ€™ll schedule a 15 minute intro call to see if I can help. God bless, ~M

Grief, memoir

If You Know…

If you know,

then you know,

that you know.

It was the 29th time that the day of her birth had come around following her death. Nothing much seems to have changed over the past few years. At least on the inside.

I kept busy that day, working moving dirt and readying the planter boxes in the greenhouse for planting. It was a beautiful sunny spring day.

And then out of the blue it hit me.

The memories I hold so dear were of a young girl in her mid-twenties. In the fullness of life, with dreams of the future, until the last few months when the sickness began to overtake her. But this day it is the year 2022.

She would have turned 57 years old.

Just typing the words seems surreal. I will turn 58 later this year so it tracks mathematically. But the heart knows nothing of numbers, only images stored in the mind and carried forever.

And I have no idea what she would look like were she alive today.

I have aged, gray hairs shining through my blonde curls. My whiskers when I let them grow are tinged with silver and the lines at the corners of my eyes and on my forehead are tell tale signs of the years that have passed.

But in my mind she is still that young girl.

In the prime of her young life, long brown hair, and sparkling blue eyes. The ravages of time had not yet made their mark as they do to us all that are blessed to live for many years. My mind is swirling.

I cannot picture her as 57 year old woman.

So, I wonder at this. Another wave of grief and loss assaults’ me. I feel as I if I have lost her again. For a second time, no a third time… hell I have lost count of how many times over the ensuing years.

I live on with memories from long ago.

I am happy. I have moved forward with a wonderful wife and daughter. And yet, I have watched my daughter grow into a teenager, and my wife has aged as have I. And my memories of her are frozen in time.

She has never aged.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? She never got the pleasure of enjoying more of life. Of family and friends. Even the aches and pains of a body that is worn and tired from a life lived fully.

But maybe, just maybe she did.

I smile, my heart is happy because in her almost 28 years of life, she lived every moment fully. She was alive, even at the end when the cancer racked her body, when everything hurt and I stood holding her hand to the end of our journey together.

I carry the grief and loss, right alongside my joy and happiness.

PS – You can read more of my story of grief, loss, healing and life after in my memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry, available on many online platforms. I use my experience to coach others struggling with grief and moving forward from loss, let me know and we’ll schedule a 15 minute intro call to see if I can help. God bless, ~M

Grief, Life, memoir

A Small Favor? I need your help, please!

What grief are you still carrying?

Iโ€™m super excited to announce that Iโ€™m going all in on a new business coaching, mentoring, and helping men who are struggling with grief and healing from a traumatic experience and loss. Whether that be from the death of a loved one, relationships ending, financial hardship or job loss, the loss of a pet, and even the loss of a dream. Grief impacts us all.

My memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry was published last year which chronicles my own journey through loss, grief, and healing. I have my first hand experience walking through my own valley of the shadow to a life after and to make sure I have the greatest impact, and help the most men with the right solutions – Iโ€™m asking for your help in doing some market research.


It is time to engage in more conversations around ‘life after…’ and what that might look like to help others move forward who have experienced trauma, loss, and grief. 

Isn’t that all of us? 

My goal is to interview 50 people, – yes, you read that correctly- so that I can get the best and most comprehensive insight as to what is needed in the area of navigating grief and healing for men from trauma.

My ideal interviewee describes themselves as male who has experienced a significant loss regardless of when it happened and struggles with moving forward, healing, and finding purpose in their life after. They ultimately want joy, contentment and purpose for their lives but havenโ€™t been able to get there on their own yet.

The interview would only take between 15-30 minutes, and I promise, this is NOT a trick into asking people to be my clients, this is literally just market research so I make sure my programs and offerings are exactly what is needed.

Men needed, is this you? 

If this is you, would you mind doing an interview with me? To make it super easy, just hit send me an email to mark@markschutter.com, let me know you are in and we’ll schedule a call.

Like I said, my goal is to interview 50 people so any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

And a few women!

I am also hoping to interview a few women who have experienced loss, grief, and trauma regarding their own journey. This would enable me to, showcase the difference in support systems that may be available and to highlight similarities and differences regarding the different expectations and coping between men and women who are grieving. 

Would you be interested?

If this isn’t you, maybe you can still help.

Iโ€™m hoping you might know 1-3 men who fit the description above. And if so, would you be willing to introduce them to me?

If yes for this, then please email me at mark@markschutter.com, CCโ€™ing whoever you have in mind and Iโ€™ll follow up with them with some additional information and how to book a call.

Like I said, my goal is to interview 50 men and a few women, so any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! ๐Ÿ‘Š

Grief, Life, memoir, Poetry

Do you believe the BULL$^!+ LIES?

A Throwback Thursday post from 2017.

Re-sharing a poem I wrote back in 2017 that provided some momentum and clarity as I was beginning to seriously contemplate and pursue writing my memoir ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ.

I struggled for over twenty years hiding my pain, my sorrow, and my grief over her death. I moved forward as we are told to do thinking it could never be what it once was.

I was wrong!

Through the unconditional love of God, a good woman (my wife), my daughter and others I came to believe that my life after was really up to me. I have learned that happiness is a choice and my grief I carry but it does not hold me back. Learning that real men have emotions, tears, and yes, they sometimes cry. That doesn’t make us weak.

It’s a bull$^!+ lie that men don’t cry. Sometimes there are no tears falling from our eyes yet, our hearts are weeping and no one sees.

If you’d like to read more of my story of loss, grief, and healing you can order your print or e-book copies at the following:

Here’s to healing and a life after trauma. I will be releasing online courses soon as well as opportunities to work with me as coach in both group and one-on-one settings. Sign up for my email list to get the latest updates and God bless! ๐Ÿ‘Š

Are you believing the lies?

It’s a bull$^!+ lie that men don’t cry. Sometimes there are no tears falling from our eyes yet, our hearts are weeping and no one sees. #Grief #Healing #LifeAfter

Grief, memoir, Writing

What Grief Are You Still Carrying?

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~Matthew 5:4

Hello friends!

Been absent for awhile just allowing the mud to settle if you will so I can see a little bit more clearly. Spending time with God in prayer and just being silent.

Lots of grief coming up lately that has been heavy on my heart. Both from the past and the current situation.

I am realizing more and more that after almost 29 years I am still carrying my grief. And really that’s ok. My grief and longing over what was lost and might have been can, and does, exist right alongside my joy and peace.

I mourn and I am comforted. I grieve and I am blessed.

What are your thoughts? ๐Ÿค”

What grief are you still carrying? Tell my I am listening. #WickedQuestions

And if you stayed with me and read this far thank you. If you would leave me a comment or even just a ๐Ÿ‘Š, ๐Ÿ‘, โค or whatever so I know I am not alone.

Thanks again and I pray each of you is blessed. ๐Ÿ™

PS – You can still get a copy of my memoir, ๐˜พ๐™ค๐™ฌ๐™—๐™ค๐™ฎ๐™จ ๐˜ผ๐™ง๐™š ๐™‰๐™ค๐™ฉ ๐™Ž๐™ช๐™ฅ๐™ฅ๐™ค๐™จ๐™š๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐˜พ๐™ง๐™ฎ, either print or e-book at the following:

Thanks for the support and a review on Amazon or Goodreads is always appreciated! ๐Ÿ‘Š

Life, memoir, Writing

Do You Listen to Podcasts?

Last week I was interviewed by Meghan Judge for her podcast Judging Meghan and the episode aired today, January 25, 2022. We talked about:

  • My story of grief and loss, the backstory
  • My impetus to share my story and my book – Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry
  • How and why men have a hard time talking about mental health
  • The after life and healing in this life to find a life after

You can listen on any of these platforms, as well as many others:

Take a listen and leave me a comment. I would love to hear what you think. Thanks!

memoir, Writing

What Keeps You Up At Night?

My latest email newsletter had dropped and below is a preview!

Happy 2022 and I need your help!

The free pdf I am offering below is a precursor to other resources I am
currently creating including different online courses related to grief and
healing. So my questions to you are:

  1. What thoughts related to grief, pain, loss and healing keep you up at
    night?
  2. What is the hardest thing you have had to navigate as it relates to your
    experience with grief, pain, loss, and healing?
  3. What do you really want as it relates to your own grief, pain, loss, and
    healing?
    Just hit reply to this email and let me know. Your responses will remain
    anonymous but will also inform the creation of resources that will help others.

Thanks!

Read the rest of the newsletter here and sign up to get the newsletter delivered directly to your email box and instant access to a free pdf.

Thanks and have a great day!