I had survived the crash that totaled our Ford Bronco and killed our dog, only spending one night in the hospital. But the unrelenting heartache I felt far exceeded the physical pain from the 37 stitches in my head and the skin grafts on the back of my left hand. I didn’t want to go on.
There seemed no way out, nor through for me at that time. I only wanted it all to end. I hadn’t thought seriously about committing suicide until the moment I found myself with the pistol in my hand.
Sure the thought had crossed my mind but only in fleeting moments and I prayed most nights before falling asleep that God would take me before I awoke.
Some force beyond me stayed my hand and my mind in the moments as my finger tightened on the trigger. I call it God. My life and his purpose for me was not complete yet.
I knew the loss would never go away, and no matter what I did to fill the empty spaces, her absence would always be permanent.
CHAPTER 11, NOT WANTING TO BE ALIVE – PAGE 104, MARK W. SCHUTTER
Now, so many years later I think about how that one act would have changed everything that was and nothing would be as it is. I carry the burden… and so we move forward with hope, with strength, and belief.
Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry >
His spirit, the power of justice and courage will fill you if you seek him.
He is a rewarder of those who seek him and everyone who calls upon his name will be saved.
𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖?
If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at email@example.com, I’ll follow up with them with some additional information and how to book a 15 minute call to see if I can help.
> Thanks! I am Mark Schutter, Grief Coach for men and author of the memoir ‘Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry’
There are hundreds of bible verses about death, promising a blessed hope after this life. We joke, we ignore, and we trivialize death at every turn. If our physical death is inevitable for each of us why do we so often refuse to acknowledge it?
For centuries throughout history, death has always been a big deal… after a person has died. Ornate ceremonies and trappings to celebrate the life of the one who has died. Fancy carriages like the one above, now hearses, that carry the dead body towards a final resting place. Coffins that are spectacular in their craftmanship that only serve to rot in the ground or burn up in the fire.
And the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. ~Ecclesiastes 12:7
For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. ~Romans 14:8
And everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this? ~John 11:26
The last enemy to be destroyed is death. ~1 Corinthians 15:26
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~Matthew 5:4
These are only but a few of the many bible verses about death. It is coming for all of us. Do you believe in the one who conquered death?
The only one who died and rose again was and is Jesus Christ.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ~John 3:16
Have you placed your trust and faith in him? Death is coming for us all, what then?
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” ~John 14:6
So excited, I received the first physical copies of my memoir and upcoming book today!
Thank you Jesus, and my family, and friends for all the love and support, and my publisher Christian Faith Publishing. The story of my journey carrying grief and healing will be soon be available. I pray it blesses and helps others dealing with the pain of loss.
For in the end it is often not the weapon we chose to carry that defeats our enemy. Within our heart and soul a true warrior carries the Sword of the Spirit that forever is able to vanquish our enemies, in the name of Yeshua!