Mark Wayne – Author and Warrior
Sometimes there is no justice only mercy
It’s not easy friends to continue to believe sometimes.
The silence and the noise can sometimes be deafening.
The fear and uncertainty can sometimes be overwhelming.
PS – comment what I can pray with you and for you.
This chapter was easy for me write because I remember each detail from almost 30 years ago vividly, even now, months after my memoir has been published.
Yet, this was the hardest chapter for me to include in the book. Because I tell the story of the closest I came to committing suicide after Luka’s death.
Not wanting to be alive is not the same as thing as wanting to be dead. ~Megan Devine, 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑌𝑜𝑢’𝑟𝑒 𝑁𝑜𝑡 𝑂𝑘𝑎𝑦
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I had survived the crash that totaled our Ford Bronco and killed our dog, only spending one night in the hospital. But the unrelenting heartache I felt far exceeded the physical pain from the 37 stitches in my head and the skin grafts on the back of my left hand. I didn’t want to go on.
Sure the thought had crossed my mind but only in fleeting moments and I prayed most nights before falling asleep that God would take me before I awoke.
Some force beyond me stayed my hand and my mind in the moments as my finger tightened on the trigger. I call it God. My life and his purpose for me was not complete yet.
I knew the loss would never go away, and no matter what I did to fill the empty spaces, her absence would always be permanent.
CHAPTER 11, NOT WANTING TO BE ALIVE – PAGE 104, MARK W. SCHUTTER
Now, so many years later I think about how that one act would have changed everything that was and nothing would be as it is. I carry the burden… and so we move forward with hope, with strength, and belief.
Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry >
And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated. Thanks again! 👊
Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.
Part 1 – Reconciling the Past
Part 2 – Embracing the Present
> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com,
I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free 15 minute call to see if I can help. Thanks!
I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.
His spirit, the power of justice and courage will fill you if you seek him.
He is a rewarder of those who seek him and everyone who calls upon his name will be saved.
If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com, I’ll follow up with them with some additional information and how to book a 15 minute call to see if I can help.
> Thanks! I am Mark Schutter, Grief Coach for men and author of the memoir ‘Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry’
Death has always been a big deal! #Grief #Trauma #LifeAfter
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There are hundreds of bible verses about death, promising a blessed hope after this life. We joke, we ignore, and we trivialize death at every turn. If our physical death is inevitable for each of us why do we so often refuse to acknowledge it?
For centuries throughout history, death has always been a big deal… after a person has died. Ornate ceremonies and trappings to celebrate the life of the one who has died. Fancy carriages like the one above, now hearses, that carry the dead body towards a final resting place. Coffins that are spectacular in their craftmanship that only serve to rot in the ground or burn up in the fire.
These are only but a few of the many bible verses about death. It is coming for all of us. Do you believe in the one who conquered death?
The only one who died and rose again was and is Jesus Christ.
Have you placed your trust and faith in him? Death is coming for us all, what then?
So excited, I received the first physical copies of my memoir and upcoming book today! 
Thank you Jesus, and my family, and friends for all the love and support, and my publisher Christian Faith Publishing. The story of my journey carrying grief and healing will be soon be available. I pray it blesses and helps others dealing with the pain of loss.
𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝑫𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝑰𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝑹𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒊𝒕? #CowboysAreNotSupposedtoCry #Memoir #UpcomingBook #WritersLife #WickedQuestions
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Watch for a soon to be announced release date and opportunities to be part of the launch team!! This is how my story begins.
“𝐀𝐬 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞,…”
We claim to love, we claim to care, and we claim to… well, whatever it is.
And if we are honest with ourselves how often do we fail?
I know in my case I find myself loving others how I think they should and need to be loved assuming it is all good and right. Do I ever ask them?
And what about God? I often run around trying to please him when maybe all he wants is for me to spend time with him?
Now go and learn what this means:
‘I desire compassion, rather than sacrifice,’
for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Matthew 9:13 NASB2020
#LoveLanguage #LiveYourDreams
#JustBelieve #HopeLives #GraceChangesPeople #LiveYourDreams
Sometimes life just is.
Sometimes there are no answers.
Sometimes all we can do is…
For in the end it is often not the weapon we chose to carry that defeats our enemy. Within our heart and soul a true warrior carries the Sword of the Spirit that forever is able to vanquish our enemies, in the name of Yeshua!
Mark Wayne - Author and Warrior 