God, Life, memoir

Revisiting Chapter 15 – The Judgment of a Bad Man

This is the first chapter of the third section, Redeeming the Future, of my memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲.

I have given a lot of thought over the years about reminders, and so much is a reminder of a life once lived in another time and place.

I have ordained myself as judge, jury, and executioner of my fate, rarely asking where is God in all of this?

“Every once in while I almost get through a day without thinking about who I am and what I’d done.” ~Charley Waite (Kevin Costner), Open Range #Quote #Westerns #Cowboys

The above quote haunts me and I share it later in Chapter 22 of my book, and we’ll get there soon, but it seems to fit in this chapter also. We do things in this life, and things happen whether intended or not, and there are consequences. Some of these things stay with us as we seek redemption. We hide from the truth and we lie to ourselves and others. Our thoughts spiral and we chastise ourselves for those thoughts we deem wicked, and sometimes simply unkind.

I know for many years I lived, and often still do, in fear of becoming the man I dread that I might be, based on the enemies lies whispered in my ears. These stories, we have each created and written, in which we find ourselves living in each and every day.

Is the story I (we) tell true?

That is what we must each come to terms with. And when we do, we must either renounce the vows and the lies or forgive ourselves, and others, for the wrongs committed.

“We can rise from the ashes and the darkness deep, for there is forgiveness, even for those who find they are still believing the lies, regardless of the thoughts in my head that tell me I am a bad man, a complete screwup at times, or just a beautiful mess wrecked right on schedule, as he should be by what life has thrown at him.”

~Chapter 15, Page 139

Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >

And a review on Amazon or Goodreads would be very much appreciated.  Thanks again! 

> If you are struggling with moving forward following the death of a loved on and searching for your best “Life After”, reach out.

Leave a comment or email me at info@markschutter.com. I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!

I am Mark W. Schutter, “Life After” Coach and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.

Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.

Part 1 – Reconciling the Past

Part 2 – Embracing the Present

Now, saddle up! The adventure that is your “Life After” awaits! 👊


Is there GRACE when SINS are REPEATED??

Is there Grace when Sins are Repeated? | Grace | Hope | Love | Quote |
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It is easy to believe in whispered lies.
As our hearts spiral downward,
a sweet poison is the penalty.
For sins repeated.
On the wings of love we can rise,
from the ashes and darkness deep.
Forgiveness for still believing the lies.
So many lives lie in utter disarray and
forgotten hopes lay quietly.
Yearning for love,
to fill our empty hearts in pain.
Searching for mercy,
to fill our empty souls in need.
Passion ignites a forging of fire and
transcendent love still waits.
As our heart drums and the underworld collides
with the dawn eclipsing the dark.
Eternal brilliant rays of light shoot forth
like arms to hold our wounded hearts.

Mark Schutter ©2016

How many times are we forgiven for sins repeated? In the bible Jesus tells us to forgive 70 x 7 times, so… wouldn’t it stand to reason that God would also forgive us at least that many times? I believe he does, for he his a just and merciful God. I am thankful for this as it allows me to be the complete screw up at times that I am, or just a beautiful mess, and to keep on believing in a better future and a better me. To always try again. What do you think?



Life, Poetry

How do you Reconcile a Broken Heart?


and watching,
the rising and setting sun.

dawn breaks,
the nights lonely grip.
in this life,
is really never perfect.
painful hurts,
moving forward letting go.

broken hearts,      
by first loving ourselves.

~Mark Schutter ©2015

#JustBelieve  #GraceWins  #HopeLives

Art, God, Life, Photograph, Writing

No Justice Only Mercy

1407290641819[1]For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy;
  mercy triumphs over judgment. ~James 2:13

Justice is sought when feeling wronged,
Revenge is believed to be a sweet soothing balm.
“Get even!”
We are told, to mend our wounded souls.
Hearts are broken completely shattered,
As if we did not matter!
Words are carelessly spoken,
The knife in our back a remembered token,
“How could you?!”
We scream, wishing it was all a dream.
We don’t deserve this we often cry.
As we wave our clenched fist at the unfeeling sky.
There is no remedy to our jaded history,
Sometimes there is no justice only mercy.

~Mark Schutter ©2014

 Healing only begins when we choose to forgive and then we find that we are the one’s who are changed.

Adventure, Art, Photograph, Poetry, Writing

What We Deserve

there is wrong , there is right; there is dark, there is light
there is below, there is above; there is hate, there is love
there is evil, there is good; there is shouldn’t, there is should
there is black, there is white; there is blindness, there is sight
there is fatigue, there is rest; there is worst, there is best
there is fog, there is sun; there is hell, there is heaven


I choose the one I wish, the path leads to destruction or bliss
You hurt me then, you won’t hurt me now
I hated you then, I forgive you now
Pulling the knife from my back, I drop it to the ground
Walking silently away I will break your hold
Thankfully we often do not get what we think we deserve

Maleko ©2013

The above was written for Free Write Friday, from the image prompt on the left – #FWF Free Write Friday: Writing Wrongs!

Using what is called stream of consciousness writiGrab a Button!ng, no editing, no proofing, just writing! Please check out Kellie Elmore’s official site or click on the Free Write Friday Image for more information. Post your submission with a comment and link to your blog on Kellie’s blog, post on twitter with the hashtag #FWF, Facebook and join the fun!