God, Life

To Know That You’re Alive!

Alive!These words ring so true for me lately. Adrift in a sea of wandering and wondering what is real. So many questions haunt my mind and it is often the pain that reminds me I am still alive and it is not over yet. 
The pain has a purpose and grief is the happiness you experienced before. Depression is just a passing feeling and wounds heal turning to scars that serve to remind you where you’ve been and how far you’ve come. For you were meant for so much more than just ordinary!

To Know That You’re AliveKutless (a classic song from 2009)

#YouMatter #HopeLives #RestInLove

Poetry

Life is… Climbing Out of the Abyss

image

the abyss
anxiety and depression
an endless deep cavern of dark
indecision and self-loathing
that many
will journey through

the black
surrounds and confounds
terrified voices screaming in your head
searching and hoping
not one
hears the sounds 

the angst
heavy and thick
a velvet fog covering everything
dank and suffocating
gray colors
shadow our lives

the abyss beckons
whispering
continuously
promising
false comfort there

Life is…, not what you hoped and planned for

Life is…, living, learning, loving and letting go

for fate conspires
to break our hearts
and healing only comes
once we are broken 

a thousand steps
only to find
yourself sliding slowly
backwards drawn
invisible forces scheme

piercing the dark
reaching and grasping
clawing to the edge of the abyss
looking up and out
to the light
away from the dark

beginning anew here
believing and hoping
one small step right where you are
faith and belief
to begin again
the journey out of the abyss.     

 ~Mark Schutter ©2016

Poetry

Free-Falling

Free FallingThe fog surrounds,
as the mist clings to my skin.
Dampening the fuses,
I struggle to see again.
I’m free-falling…
Sitting in ruins,
my mind a closed-door.
Out of darkness,
muted condemning voices roar.
I’m free-falling…
Chaos is masked,
behind the forced smiles.
Indecision and tears,
my breaking heart, meanwhile.
I’m free-falling…
Facing an abyss,
pulled into the absurd.
My faith wavers,
doubts crushed by His word.
I’m free-falling…
Days drift on,
rhythms of a soft breeze.
Oh, my God,
won’t you catch me, please.
I’m free-falling…

~Mark Schutter ©2015

Free Falling

Adventure, God, Life

Life … is an Adventure!

Life is ...A wonderful quote taken from the book ‘Battles Men Face‘ by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD and so true!

Dr. Jantz is a Christian author, Founder of A Place of Hope which is ranked #1 for depression treatment and host of the weekly radio show Overcoming on Mondays at 1 pm PT.

Life is meant to be lived fully and if you are not engaged you are settling for less.  As we are in the season where miracles are more easily believed, purpose to live the rest of your days with no regrets! Merry Christmas! ~M

Adventure, Art, God, Writing

Climbing Out of the Abyss

Hear my prayer, O LORD, Give ear to my supplications! Answer me in Your faithfulness, in Your righteousness!  And do not enter into judgment with Your servant, For in Your sight no man living is righteous. For the enemy has persecuted my soul ; He has crushed my life to the ground; He has made me dwell in dark places, like those who have long been dead. Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; My heart is appalled within me. 

~Psalm 143:1-4 (Prayer for Deliverance and Guidance)

The words above capture how I feel in spite of the many uplifting and hopeful blogs about new years resolutions and goals.  The abyss of anxiety and depression is a deep cavern of dark indecision and self-loathing that many, including I, have journeyed through.  The black surrounds, while a thousand voices are screaming in your head without a sound.  The angst is like a velvet fog, soft and thick covering everything, greying the colors of life while your heart is heavy.  The abyss beckons continuously, promising a false comfort  or as CS Lewis said “the sweet poison of the false infinite.”

Life is…, not what was hoped and planned for
Life is…, the truths we believe about our experiences
Life is…, living, learning, loving and letting go

Fate conspires to break your heart and healing only comes once you are broken.  A thousand steps forward only to find yourself sliding slowly backwards as if drawn by an invisible force.  Reaching, grasping, clawing to the edge of the abyss.  The struggle is exhausting and seems so endless at times.

Looking up, looking out, looking forward to the light, away from the dark.  To begin anew from here, right where you are, taking one small step of faith.  Trusting and believing in a God who cares and is bigger than our troubles.  To accept the gift of love, to begin the journey anew and begin climbing out of the abyss.  ~Maleko ©2013