This is the last chapter in Part 2, Embracing the Present of my memoir, 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲 and seems fitting as truly the world moves on after your loss and you have to somehow figure out and accept the reality. This means embracing the present in order to move on with it.
“Just as sure as the turnin’ of the earth.” – Ethan Edwards (John Wayne), The Searchers #quote #western #movie
One of my favorite movies, and allegory for my own life as I have spend so much time searching for answers to questions that haunt me. Questions of which most have no answers this side of the undiscovered (heaven).
I have learned that for my healing it has meant reconciling my past, embracing the present, and redeeming my future. Often in no particular order as grief is not linear and there are so many ‘secondary’ losses that pop up. Even years later sometimes, that I must wrestle with and heal from.
⏩ Grief is carried as we search for what it means to us.
There seemed to be a turning point for me in September of 2017 after returning from a family vacation to Yellowstone National park when I wrote a blog post entitled “Searching… it’s all shit!”
I was finally realizing that I needed to get help and healing for my past, my present, and my future, and to be the best version of myself for those I loved and loved me in return. It was around this time that I seriously began the collating and putting together my memoir. Two years later in August of 2019, I signed a publishing contract with Christian Faith Publishing and my book was published the following August of 2020.
It was during this time that I realized that to truly rebuild my life after the pain and sorrow, I would have to let go of death, but would always carry the experience.
The joys and sorrows would forever occupy the same space in my heart.
I must reconcile my past, embrace my present, and redeem my future. To move forward, not on, to discover where it is that I came from, knowing that death will always follow me. We unwillingly say a courageous faithful amen to the way it was, it is, and can be; which is what acknowledging death asks of us.
Get your copy of Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry here >
A far better place—the phrase echoes through my mind, and my faith tells me to believe in this. As a Christian don’t the words of our God tell us there is a far better place?
Yet I ask, what does that mean, and how do we know? We don’t know I often want to scream back. Instead, I and nod in a feinted attempt at agreement, holding onto hope, that there is a far better place.
An interesting chapter and maybe the most philosophical of the entire book, as I ask the questions that many have asked before me. The theological questions of life after death, what happens to us, is there a heaven and if so isn’t there a hell? Even atheists and agnostics with no faith in a god or a higher power have asked the question, wondering what is there after we die?
The last paragraph of chapter 1 of my memoir Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry speaks of Luka’s belief in a far better place. (You can read my thoughts and revisit of chapter 1 here.)
Luka was the one facing her own mortality, not me. She was the one who must venture alone into the alone, not me. I wonder even now what thoughts ran through her mind that she did not share with me. Or worse still those thoughts she did share and I have long forgotten. Her words tossed aside as if they were of no more importance than a scrap of garbage. What are you supposed to do with that?
Believe… in life after otherwise what’s the point?
Although not officially released my memoir 𝗖𝗼𝘄𝗯𝗼𝘆𝘀 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗿𝘆 is now available to purchase through pre-sale on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com – go order a copy today!
My publisher Christian Faith Publishing is currently converting the book to the various E-book formats to upload soon. They are also creating a video trailer for the book and a press release to go out to thousands of media outlets including bloggers, journalists, newspapers, television and radio stations, websites and book reviewers. When the press release goes out that will be the “official release” for the book, but why wait?
Go order your copy today! It is a story of love, hope, and healing.