Everything was here, just as it was, and yet she was not and never would be again, and it was up to me to clean up the mess.
~Chapter 12, page 107, Cowboys Are Not Supposed to Cry
There will always be reminders on the calendar… reminders of the day she died, the funeral, her birthday, and even my own birthday. Not to mention the holidays and special dates we circle on the calendar that roll around each year not caring who is there to celebrate or not.
And there is the things that come up without warning. A memory triggered by a song, a photo, even a commercial on the television and so many other things. They never go away despite the days, months, and years that go by.
There are anniversaries we try hard to remember
And there are anniversaries we can never forget
And yet, all of this… the triggers and reminders that cause us to pause and reflect, or break down and cry are the way it is supposed to be. I wrote at the end of this chapter that life goes on, and life wrecks us on schedule.
I believe that, although not in an intentional way, there is no normal life there is just life. (A little ode to Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone 🤠 who then says to Wyatt Earp, Kirk Russell “Now go life it.”)
Life comes with it’s joys and sorrows, love and loss, pain and healing. Moments touch us or trigger us, in that I believe we get to chose. For no matter what happens, our real power lies only in how we respond to what life throws at us.
There is a life after trauma, and healing is possible.
Read my thoughts on previous chapters of my memoir, links below.
Part 1 – Reconciling the Past
- Revisiting Chapter 1 – Out of the Sun
- Revisiting Chapter 2 – A Far Better Place
- Revisiting Chapter 3 – Walking Away
- Revisiting Chapter 4 – Still Miles to Walk
- Revisiting Chapter 5 – Death is Only the Beginning
- Revisiting Chapter 6 – To Love What’s Leaving
- Revisiting Chapter 7 – I Am the One Dying
- Revisiting Chapter 8 – The Lingering Ambiguity
Part 2 – Embracing the Present
- Revisiting Chapter 9 – Wearing Masks – “Who Are We Really?”
- Revisiting Chapter 10 – A Different Trajectory
- Revisiting Chapter 11 – Not Wanting to Be Alive
> If you are struggling with moving forward following a loss and searching for your best “life after”, let me know. Leave a comment or email me at email@example.com,
I’ll follow up with some additional information and how to book a free minute call to chat and see if I can help. Thanks!
I am Mark W. Schutter, Grief Coach for Men and Author of the memoir 𝐂𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐲, and we all need a little support sometimes.