Staring at the ceiling as
silent tears from the corners of my eyes
roll quickly down, leaving tracks of memories.
A new day is dawning
bright and beautiful full of promise and hope.
I lay quietly in the moment
as gratitude fills my heart.
Mixed with the sadness of loss,
I think of the past and ponder the future.
Between what was and might have been.
What is and what could still be,
I am often trapped on this knife-edge of uncertainty.
I am blessed and have been given so much,
each thing taken away replaced.
Still a spot in my heart that lies cold and alone.
I donâ€™t understand the meaning of this,
I donâ€™t understand the what, the why.
I am here, my life in the midst of this.
As confusion beats within my heart,
to live this life for all itâ€™s worth.
To chose love and lose, the joy and pain
that follows us each day.
I am blessed, the people who care,
the world that promises so much.
But deep within it feels something is amiss,
a small part that forever is missing
from my strong heart.
~Mark Schutter Â©2014
(This was the result of 5 minutes of free writing shortly after waking on Father’s Day.Â My feelings were a mixture of emotions upon waking and this is what poured out onto the pages of my journal.Â ~M)